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Band 3.5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. good quality of life.

#rise #world #population #humanity #time #quality #life
The foremost problem humanity is facing is the increase in
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
show examples
population
.
This
 can lead to various issues
such
 as the scarcity of food and natural
resources
,
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
 the shortage of minerals and reserves all around the globe can
also
 become a major concern.
To begin
 with, the current issue of
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
population
 will lead to
lack
Add an article
a lack
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 natural
resources
such
 as clean water, which is the most crucial necessity for the survival of a human being. The consumption of natural
resources
 all around the globe will keep on doubling if the
population
 keeps on exceeding year by year. Certain measures can be taken to prevent
this
 from happening,
such
 as spreading awareness to the people about the current issues in a way they can interpret the seriousness of
this
 concern. The main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of
this
 continued rise is the people around the world itself.
Although
 the government can
also
 be blamed
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the same, as it’s an entity that has the authority to implement laws which can help to bring down the
overall
 numbers.
To conclude
, I do agree that the rising
population
 is a major concern
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity is facing, as the issue of shortage in natural
resources
 can lead to a full-fledged war and many new
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 can
rise
Correct your spelling
arise
show examples
 if preventive
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 are not adopted.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, you could provide specific data or scenarios where population growth has led to resource shortages.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will help improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. These small improvements can make your writing clearer and more polished.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear understanding of the issue of overpopulation.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and reinforce the main idea of the essay.
coherence cohesion
There's a logical structure in the way points are presented, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mortality rates
  • agricultural technology
  • contraception
  • family planning
  • cultural factors
  • economic incentives
  • resource strain
  • environmental degradation
  • climate change
  • habitat destruction
  • biodiversity loss
  • urban overcrowding
  • pollution
  • infrastructure challenges
  • social issues
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • healthcare
  • education services
  • international conflicts
  • economic inequality
  • political instability
  • sustainable development
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