IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Other disagree and say this is no longer true.

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University
Use synonyms
education
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 is often viewed as the pathway to success,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 some may agree and some may disagree. After a thorough consideration, though studying
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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university
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proffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
proffers
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 some benefits, the advantage of gaining
experience
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 outside the
university
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 should not be put down by any chance.
This
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 essay will discuss both aspects in the following paragraphs. On the
one
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 hand, getting
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
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 could be the door to better job opportunities and high salaries. For the aspects of the opportunities, having a higher level of educational attainment can provide highly-educated employees
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will be qualified for many leading companies in our world. To demonstrate, high-skilled positions require at least a bachelor’s
degree
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 in relevant fields. It is often seen that law firms have high requirements for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lawyer recruitment,
for
Linking Words
instance
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instance,
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 law
degree
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 must be obtained.
For
Change preposition
From
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 the fiscal aspect,
to have
Change the verb form
having
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 a
degree
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 from
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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 could be
one
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 of the factors that help a person acquire
jobs
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 and earn satisfying salaries.
For example
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, being a lawyer is
one
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 of the
jobs
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 that
well-paid
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is well-paid
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 for people who have a
degree
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.
On the other hand
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, it seems to me that
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
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education
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 could no longer be needed for some
jobs
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 that require
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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,
passion
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 and talent. It is inarguable that some
jobs
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 that earn high salaries are based on professional experiences rather than a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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degree
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.
Actor
Replace the word
Acting
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 is
one
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 of
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jobs
Add an article
the jobs
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 that require
experience
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, and becoming well-known actors requires professionalism, not
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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education
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 in professional fields and
passion
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 can lead to success. To elaborate,
passion
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 is a key factor in achieving
one
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’s goal, people who work with
passion
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 are more likely to be successful.
This
Linking Words
 means that without fine-
education
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 from the
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university
Add a comma
university,
show examples
 people can still achieve their goal to be successful. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true to say that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
education
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 will provide some beneficial outcomes, in fact, I personally believe the external
experience
Use synonyms
 will offer an immense number of advantages and opportunities.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and states that you will discuss both sides. However, you might want to refine your opening sentence for better flow and clarity. An improved version could be: "While some view a university education as a guaranteed path to success, others believe that it is not necessarily the case."
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the debate. Great job in providing specific examples such as lawyers and actors. An area for improvement would be to add more specific examples or data for the arguments you present in the second body paragraph. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings in your essay. For example, "after a thorough consideration" could be improved to "after thorough consideration". Keeping your language clear and grammatical structures correct will help to enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized and each has a clear focus. However, some of your transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, starting the second body paragraph with "It is inarguable" is a bit abrupt. Consider leading with a more transitional phrase like "On the other hand, it is important to note that..."
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with examples like positions in law firms and acting. However, adding a few more specific statistical facts or studies could make your argument even stronger and more credible.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which are essential components of a strong response. Well done!
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is quite strong. You effectively present your points and counterpoints in clearly defined paragraphs.
task achievement
Good job providing relevant specific examples such as the requirements for becoming a lawyer or an actor. These concrete examples help to bolster your arguments.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by giving both the advantages of university education and the value of experience and passion in certain fields. This enriches your essay and shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university degree
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • networking opportunities
  • vocational training
  • self-made entrepreneurs
  • gig economy
  • online courses
  • certifications
  • formal education
  • practical experience
  • lifelong learning
  • career goals
  • individual circumstances
  • academic qualifications
What to do next:
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