IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that a university education is necessary for a good career. Do you agree or disagree? What other factors can contribute to a good career?

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All the lives we have been told that to have a good career, it is necessary to study hard at
school
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 and
university
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.
University
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 education gives many opportunities and opens doors to different jobs and occupations. In my opinion, education is very important because when we want to get a job, usually the most important thing is whether you finished
university
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 and what grades you got. First of all, we need to graduate not because parents told us, but because we have to understand that it is improving our knowledge and makes our brain work.
However
Linking Words
, most of the newest generation think that to achieve something, it is enough to listen in
school
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 and do nothing at home.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was at primary and middle
school
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, I was taught to study and told that in the future it would be easier for me to understand some new subjects, and now, when I am at high
school
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, I am convinced that it helped me.
Although
Linking Words
 my youngest brother has the same teachers, their class is the total opposite; they don’t want to do anything.
In addition
Linking Words
, other factors that can contribute to a good career are soft
skills
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 and moral values.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is important to remain a good person, to not achieve success with lies and betraying your colleagues. Soft
skills
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 are crucial when you start to work in a team, in a company, where communication is very important.
As a result
Linking Words
, public speaking and critical thinking can promote you, and your career ladder will be more successful. In conclusion,
university
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 education is important not just because you are studying, but because you study to apply different
skills
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, you improve your communication
skills
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, and understand how to adapt in urgent situations.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You clearly agree, but say more about other factors for a good career.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body part. Start each part with one direct topic sentence.
task response
Use examples that match the question more closely. Your school example is clear, but a work or career example would fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences are long or jump from one idea to another.
task response
Develop the second body part more. Soft skills and moral values are good points, but they need more support.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. In the first body part, some ideas about school habits move away from the main point about university and career.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words like 'First of all', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion'.
task response
You include personal examples, which help show your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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