Students who are given grades work harder than those who do not. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

Educational
systems
are a key factor in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
generations’ future. An important aspect of it is the evaluation
systems
which should be taken into account. It is argued that evaluating
pupils
by marks would spark
pupils
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
. The following essay will express my positive orientation towards
this
state. It has been psychologically proven that the method of educational
systems
affects students’
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
show examples
. Evaluating
pupils
by marks could activate their multifaceted personalities
such
as hard-working,
tolerating
Replace the word
tolerant
show examples
, and organized. To put it differently, a marking
system
has established certain
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
show examples
in which students put their effort in a way to get the higher mark; so it can assist them to plan and recognize the priorities of life.
Consequently
,
due to
this
steady instruction, the
diligence
Replace the word
diligent
show examples
way would be convenient for them.
On the other hand
, it would be argued that the evaluation
system
could make
pupils
anxious.
However
,
this
evaluation
system
provides
healthily
Add an article
a healthily
show examples
competitive atmosphere which can motivate them to promote themselves in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
system
.
For instance
, announcing the topmost students could
foster
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
them to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high
ranked
Replace the word
rank
show examples
and study diligently. In
this
case,
pupils
comprehend that as they work meticulously, they will proudly accomplish
this
position.
As a result
, they put themselves under pressure to study harder.
To sum up
, a plethora of schools have assessment
systems
to rank students,
however
, the original aim of
this
action is
encouraging
Change the verb form
to encourage
show examples
them to perform better at school. I believe that it is a brilliant idea to prepare
pupils
for a life which requires
diligent
Replace the word
diligence
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Phrasing
Try to minimize small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'the diligence way' which should be 'a diligent way.'
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develops it before moving on to the next point.
Examples and Evidence
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your arguments, adding more depth to your essay.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
Task Response
You have addressed the prompt adequately, presenting a clear stance and supporting it with logical reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a good flow with clear connectivity between paragraphs.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible goals
  • measurable target
  • concrete sense of achievement
  • feedback mechanism
  • strengths and weaknesses
  • competition
  • incentive
  • outperform
  • scholarships
  • future opportunities
  • self-esteem
  • personal satisfaction
  • external pressure
  • societal expectations
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!