IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students who are given grades work harder than those who do not. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

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Educational
systems
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 are a key factor in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generations’ future. An important aspect of it is the evaluation
systems
Use synonyms
 which should be taken into account. It is argued that evaluating
pupils
Use synonyms
 by marks would spark
pupils
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’
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
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. The following essay will express my positive orientation towards
this
Linking Words
 state. It has been psychologically proven that the method of educational
systems
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 affects students’
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
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. Evaluating
pupils
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 by marks could activate their multifaceted personalities
such
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 as hard-working,
tolerating
Replace the word
tolerant
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, and organized. To put it differently, a marking
system
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 has established certain
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
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 in which students put their effort in a way to get the higher mark; so it can assist them to plan and recognize the priorities of life.
Consequently
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,
due to
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this
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 steady instruction, the
diligence
Replace the word
diligent
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 way would be convenient for them.
On the other hand
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, it would be argued that the evaluation
system
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 could make
pupils
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 anxious.
However
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,
this
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 evaluation
system
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 provides
healthily
Add an article
a healthily
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 competitive atmosphere which can motivate them to promote themselves in
educational
Add an article
the educational
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system
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, announcing the topmost students could
foster
Verb problem
encourage
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 them to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high
ranked
Replace the word
rank
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 and study diligently. In
this
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 case,
pupils
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 comprehend that as they work meticulously, they will proudly accomplish
this
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 position.
As a result
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, they put themselves under pressure to study harder.
To sum up
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, a plethora of schools have assessment
systems
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 to rank students,
however
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, the original aim of
this
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 action is
encouraging
Change the verb form
to encourage
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 them to perform better at school. I believe that it is a brilliant idea to prepare
pupils
Use synonyms
 for a life which requires
diligent
Replace the word
diligence
show examples
.

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Grammar and Phrasing
Try to minimize small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'the diligence way' which should be 'a diligent way.'
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develops it before moving on to the next point.
Examples and Evidence
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your arguments, adding more depth to your essay.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
Task Response
You have addressed the prompt adequately, presenting a clear stance and supporting it with logical reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a good flow with clear connectivity between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible goals
  • measurable target
  • concrete sense of achievement
  • feedback mechanism
  • strengths and weaknesses
  • competition
  • incentive
  • outperform
  • scholarships
  • future opportunities
  • self-esteem
  • personal satisfaction
  • external pressure
  • societal expectations
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