IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a huge negative effect on both society and individuals. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Social networks are an indispensable part of our life. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it has a huge negative effect on both society and individuals,
while
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 others adhere to the contrary opinion. I support the first point of view, we will discuss
this
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 statement in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with advantages. Messengers,
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, help
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other and acquire new acquaintances around the world.
Moreover
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, it is
free
Correct article usage
a free
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platforms
Fix the agreement mistake
platform
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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vast data
massive
Correct word choice
apply
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about domestic problems, different sciences, and other questions.
For example
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, in politics an informed choice is very important and requires
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
free access to information, social networks help to get any opinion.
Also
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, consumers can make more proper
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 when they choose a product inasmuch as they have more information about the market. It is a partial solution
of
Change preposition
to
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 the
ecomimic
Correct your spelling
economic
 problem "The market for "lemons" and "peaches"".
Thus
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 a pastime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social networks can be helpful for every user. To continue with disadvantages. Many
people
Use synonyms
 spend their time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 networking sites too much
therefore
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 they can lose cognitive abilities and get a myopia after long scrolling the content.
Besides
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, a sedentary lifestyle can be a cause of some diseases
such
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 as hypertension and osteoсhondrosis.
Furthermore
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, not all
people
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 can keep their concentration and it can distract them from their work.
Additionally
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, not all content
in
Change preposition
on
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 social sites can be useful, entertainment content doesn't foster the development of education. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the downsides. We shouldn't indulge the wish of rest and all Internet opportunities should
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 for both education and work.

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advice
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of social networking sites, which is good. However, some points need more development and elaboration. For example, discussing specific studies or real-world examples could enhance your argument.
advice
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas are well-developed. Some points are mentioned but not fully explained, such as the impact of social networks on cognitive abilities. Providing more details would make your arguments stronger.
advice
The essay could benefit from a more nuanced conclusion. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a clear stance. Additionally, avoiding minor language errors can improve clarity and cohesion.
highlight
Your introduction provides a clear thesis and sets up the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This is a good way to guide the reader through your argument.
highlight
The essay maintains a logical structure, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Each paragraph serves a specific purpose and contributes to your overall point.
highlight
You've done a nice job of addressing multiple aspects of the issue, touching on both social and individual impacts. This demonstrates a good grasp of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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