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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the values (NZ$) of exports of kiwi fruit from New Zealand to five countries between 2010 and 2012.

The table below gives information about the values (NZ$) of exports of kiwi fruit from New Zealand to five countries between 2010 and 2012.
#information #values #nz #exports #kiwi #fruit #zealand #five #countries
The shown table graph
indicates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gives information about the amount of the values of
exports
 of kiwi fruit from New
Zeeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
show examples
 to
Japan
,
China
,
Mexico
,
Russia
 and Saudi Arabia
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over a 3-year period from 2010 to 2012.
Overall
,
Japan
 was New
Zeeland’s
Correct your spelling
Zealand’s
show examples
 largest
export
 market during the period shown. It is
also
 noticeable that
exports
 to
Japan
,
China
,
Mexico
 and
Russia
 increased,
exports
Correct word choice
and exports
show examples
 to Saudi Arabia saw an
overall
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
. The about given graph
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of
export
Fix the agreement mistake
exports
show examples
 to
Japan
 rose from $271
million
 in 2010 to $325,3
million
 in 2012.
By contrast
, kiwi
export
 revenues that New
Zeeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
show examples
 earned from Saudi Arabia
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 gradually from $29
million
 in 2010 to only $82,000 in 2012. The trend for
China
,
Mexico
 and
Russia
noticeably
Add a missing verb
is noticeably
show examples
 different. The values of
exports
 to
China
,
Mexico
 and
Russia
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose,
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 $74,9
million
, $1,2
million
 and $ 0,968
million
,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
 in 2010. Two years
late
Rephrase
later
show examples
,
export
Fix the agreement mistake
exports
show examples
 earned from these markets
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 increased to $94
million
, $ 3,3
million
 and $2,4
million
,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words exports, japan, china, mexico, russia, export, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼

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