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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the values (NZ$) of exports of kiwi fruit from New Zealand to five countries between 2010 and 2012.

The table below gives information about the values (NZ$) of exports of kiwi fruit from New Zealand to five countries between 2010 and 2012.
The shown table graph
indicates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gives information about the amount of the values of
exports
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 of kiwi fruit from New
Zeeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
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 to
Japan
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,
China
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,
Mexico
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,
Russia
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 and Saudi Arabia
in
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apply
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over a 3-year period from 2010 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 was New
Zeeland’s
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Zealand’s
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 largest
export
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 market during the period shown. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
exports
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 to
Japan
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,
China
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,
Mexico
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 and
Russia
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 increased,
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exports
Correct word choice
and exports
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 to Saudi Arabia saw an
overall
Linking Words
declined
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decline
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. The about given graph
show
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shows
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 the
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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 of
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export
Fix the agreement mistake
exports
show examples
 to
Japan
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 rose from $271
million
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 in 2010 to $325,3
million
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 in 2012.
By contrast
Linking Words
, kiwi
export
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 revenues that New
Zeeland
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Zealand
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 earned from Saudi Arabia
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
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 gradually from $29
million
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 in 2010 to only $82,000 in 2012. The trend for
China
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,
Mexico
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 and
Russia
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noticeably
Add a missing verb
is noticeably
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 different. The values of
exports
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 to
China
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,
Mexico
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 and
Russia
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rose,
at
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to
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 $74,9
million
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, $1,2
million
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 and $ 0,968
million
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,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
 in 2010. Two years
late
Rephrase
later
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,
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export
Fix the agreement mistake
exports
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 earned from these markets
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
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 increased to $94
million
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, $ 3,3
million
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 and $2,4
million
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,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words exports, japan, china, mexico, russia, export, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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