IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Should animals be kept in zoos? Describe both views and give your own opinion

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Who does not like
zoos
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? People of all ages are happy to see all different kinds of
animal
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animals
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 at
zoos
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. Some think that when
animals
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 are caged at
zoos
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, they are protected and are useful for research.
However
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, I disagree that
zoos
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 can be beneficial to
animals
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.
This
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 essay describes
disagreement
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a disagreement
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with
Change preposition
for
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 several important reasons.
Animals
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 at
zoos
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 feel exhausted physically.
For example
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,
firstly
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, they travel long
distance
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distances
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 by plane, and they feel tired.
Secondly
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, in artificial
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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 at
zoos
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, they need to endure strange situations with different weather, foods, and
limit
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limited
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 space.
Lastly
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, some must get trained
tricks
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in tricks
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 for performance to show humans. Many people think
zoos
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 play an important role in conserving the rare species and studying the disease treatments. In fact, many
animals
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at
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in
show examples
zoos
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 suffer from unfamiliar environments.
Zoos
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 cause
animals
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 to feel depressed mentally from family separation and missing their natural habitat.
For instance
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, when a baby cow is sold by a merchant,
mom
Correct article usage
the mom
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 cow sheds
tear
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tears
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 and keeps crying out
due to
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 separation.
Although
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 they are
animals
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, they have the same emotions as humans.
Moreover
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, homesickness leads them to serious emotional problems, causing them to die early.
Overall
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,
zoos
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 can be
advantages
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advantageous
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 for
animals
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 and humans for educational purposes and research.
However
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, I firmly believe that
zoos
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 are not the best way for
animals
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. With strange environments, food, and no freedom at
zoos
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,
animals
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 can feel miserable. I suggest that
while
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 wild
animals
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, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rare species, live in their natural habitats, animal professionals visit them regularly to check them if they are in danger
,
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apply
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 and save them when needed.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific, varied examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use more linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed explanations and reasons. This will help convey your ideas more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice framework for your arguments.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and support your overall opinion regarding zoos.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both views on the topic, which shows a balanced approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conservation efforts
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Biodiversity
  • Captivity
  • Stress or discomfort
  • Unnatural environments
  • Educational purpose
  • Scientific research
  • Ethical concerns
  • Virtual reality
  • Tourism revenue
  • Economic terms
  • Immersive experience
What to do next:
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