IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries,owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
While
 it is widely claimed that owning
home
Add an article
a home
show examples
 is vital for people in some countries rather than renting one, others argue that buying one is not necessary. Both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and reasons why I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
this
 controversy could lead to
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 negative development will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it may
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 sensible for some to
believed
Change the form of the verb
believe
show examples
 that the ownership of a building like
house
Change the article
a house
show examples
 is important in some
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
.
This
 is possibly because they viewed
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
real
estates
Fix the agreement mistake
estate
show examples
 is considered as a profitable passive income that worth
to invest
Change the verb form
investing
show examples
 in the future rather than just paying without any gain in return. To exemplify, the owner of a
house
 can
recieved
Correct your spelling
receive
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 through a single building once they
owned
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
 it
such
 as
offer
Add an article
an offer
show examples
 for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rent, or sale for
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 figure.
Whereas
 renting, you have to pay every month for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several years which the total price could be larger than buying one
instead
.
However
, I personally argue in favour of the negative impact of
this
 trend seeing that it making people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
create more debt. The
struggling
Replace the word
struggle
show examples
 of trying to get the ownership of a
house
 could
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
 the people who barely make an
end
Fix the agreement mistake
ends
show examples
meets
Change the verb form
meet
show examples
 seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
non-official financial support which often dealt with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unreasonably high rate of
intersts
Correct your spelling
interests
interest
. Take Thailand,
for example
; numerous reports of the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal monetary
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 in order to get the money for a living
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ended up having a large burden of a
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 debt. In summary,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 it is undeniable that buying a
house
 can provide numerous possible
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 in the future, I am of the opinion that
this
 trend could result in a detrimental effect
such
 as using
an illegal services
Correct the article-noun agreement
illegal services
an illegal service
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which the government should not be neglected in order to create a peaceful life.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, make a clearer distinction between different points. Use more guiding words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument easily.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. Reducing errors will enhance clarity and coherence, making your essay easier to understand. For example, 'The struggling of trying to get the ownership...' could be better phrased as 'The struggle to gain ownership...'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within that paragraph relate to that main idea. This will improve the coherence within individual paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to address both parts of the task in a balanced way. While you explained why owning a home is important, you need to expand your discussion on whether this is a positive or negative situation slightly more to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will help to develop your arguments more fully and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas to improve their comprehensibility. For example, 'the ownership of a house could provide numerous possible income in the future' could be made clearer by specifying what those incomes might be.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
The inclusion of examples such as the one from Thailand adds credibility to your argument and demonstrates an understanding of real-world scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
Look at other essays: