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Band 2.5

Some people think that government should spend money on the search for life on other planets, while others believe that is a waste of public money because there are still many problems on earth

#people #government #money #search #life #planets #waste #earth
Many people are of the view is a waste of resources to allocate funds
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 searching
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 humans on another planet.
Nonetheless
,
such
 funds could be allocated to different sectors which are relevant to the people on
this
 earth. I'm here to present my thoughts. The essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 writer's opinion.
To begin
 with, spending money on a search that there is no fact concerning
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 is
total
Add an article
a total
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 waste, in which the same funds could be allocated to many sectors
such
 as environmental and health issues.
Due to
 the expansion of factories which is the major contributing factor to environmental pollution, individuals are prone to major health issues and the government should tackle these issues ASAP
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 searching for different planets. On the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
show examples
, the government should spend resources on bringing back the greens by investing much in afforestation
for instance
.
In contrast
, a strict law and orders should be implemented for those who
abides
Change the verb form
abide
show examples
rules
Change preposition
by rules
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 and regulations. Individuals should be
enforced
Verb problem
forced
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 to maintain the environment we
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in by avoiding pollution.
To conclude
, the government should invest in maintaining the environment rather than moving other people to another planet.
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task achievement
Work on providing specific examples or evidence to support your points. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and transitions to connect your ideas smoothly. This would help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and present, summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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