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Band 2.5

In many countries more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs what problems do you think youth unemployement causes for individuals and the society?What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters?

#countries #people #school #jobs #youth #unemployement #individuals #society #measures #level #unemployment #youngsters
Over the
last
 100 years, machines robots and AI have evolved to an automatic process of doing work without much human intervention, 2\3 parts of our daily routine made easier thanks to
technologies
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technology
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 and
in
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as
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 result,
people
 nowadays have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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much more time
then
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than
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people
 in the past.
In addition
, to increasing free time, thanks to technology life of modern
people
 have become more comfortable and safer. Without any problem you can buy a device which
called
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is called
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 « mobile phone». With
it
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it,
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 you have an opportunity to contact
with
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apply
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anyone
in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Earth and
also
 you can find information about everything
in
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on
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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. Expect of
this
 it is a lot of useful apps which you can download to your phone, you can order food delivery, order a taxi and a lot of other things. Mobile
phone
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phones
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 make the life of modern
people
 more comfortable. To sum it up,
people
 nowadays have more free time
then
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than
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people
 in the past,
expect of
Verb problem
except
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 that technologies bring comfort and save to our lives.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
The introduction is lacking a clear thesis statement. Introduce a clear main idea or argument at the beginning of your essay.
task achievement
There is a slight redundancy in the essay. Aim to introduce new points or perspectives to keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments and makes your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Proofread to correct minor grammatical and typographical errors. For example, 'expect' should be 'except' and 'save' should be 'safety'.
task achievement
Try to provide specific examples to support your points. This gives more depth and credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
You offered a clear main point discussing how technology has increased free time and brought comfort and safety to our lives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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