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Band 4

Everyone of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#meat #health
Nowadays, it is common for people to start a vegetarian diet. Some of them decide to avoid
meat
 because they don’t find eating animals
ethic
Replace the word
ethical
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, others because they are convinced
meat
 is a root cause of health problems.
Meat
 has always been a source of food for humans and it has many benefits.
For example
,
meat
 contains a lot of iron, which is extremely important for our bodies. Reducing, or even cutting off
meat
, especially red
meat
, from our diet, could cause iron deficiencies which lead to dizziness and feeling lightheaded.
Moreover
,
meat
 contains a great amount of protein which is remarkably important for muscle building. We can find iron and protein in legumes and vegetables but in much less quantities.
In addition
, vegetarians often have another problem, vitamin B deficiency.
In other words
,
meat
 has a lot of important nutrients that are essential and crucial for our body functions.
On the contrary
,
low
Add a hyphen
low-quality
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quality
meat
 like fast food hamburgers, sausages or cured
meat
contain
Change the verb form
contains
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 plenty of salt and saturated fat which have
severe
Add an article
a severe
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 impact on our health.
For example
, these elements are related to weight gain and high blood pressure. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 I am convinced cutting off
meat
 is not a sustainable option. We should rather reduce
low
Add a hyphen
low-quality
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quality
meat
 like fast foods and opt for
organic
Add an article
an organic
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 and
high
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
quality
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Similarly
, we should make an effort and try to eat balanced and good
quality
 meals. A balanced diet is a key for our health.
Submitted by chi63hi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and smooth transitions between ideas to improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.
task achievement
Expand on some of the points with more detailed explanations or examples to provide a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Address possible counterarguments or limitations to show a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-developed with supporting details, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The argument is mostly clear and on topic, providing a relevant discussion on the health impacts of eating meat.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chronic diseases
  • balanced diet
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • plant-based diet
  • ethical concerns
  • environmental impact
  • deforestation
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • sustainable
  • Vitamin B12
  • processed meat substitutes
  • social and cultural implications
  • mitigate
  • full-time vegetarian
  • plant-based options
  • health benefits
  • commit to vegetarianism
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