IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science shold be to improve people's lives.

#aim #science #shold #people #lives
There is no denying the fact that
science
 could develop our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
while
 there is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that
science
Change noun form
science's
show examples
 crucial aim is
improve
Change the verb form
to improve
improving
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives, there is
also
 an argument
opposes
Wrong verb form
opposing
show examples
 it. in my opinion, I consider
science
 shouldn't just develop our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 but
also
 improve the whole
plant
Correct your spelling
planet
show examples
. On one hand, one of the main aims of
science
 is
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and tourism .
In other words
 , one of the developed countries Japan use a robot assist to
clesan
Correct your spelling
clean
 the parks and streets
witch
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 makes a great benefit for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a great clean and healthy place for tourists and local
people
.
In addition
, there is a study made in
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
2018
Change preposition
in 2018
show examples
 that without the development
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
medicine
Correct article usage
the medicine
show examples
 industry and
science
 in general
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life would be much harder.
For example
, chemicals and
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 that we apply these days
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 way and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
 live
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 good health for a long period.
also
Capitalize word
Also
show examples
 these treatments
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 only for
humans
 but, all creatures on the
plant
Correct your spelling
planet
show examples
,
science
Correct word choice
and science
show examples
 provide help to rare animals avoid them to extinction using some medicines.
On the other hand
. the world
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 seen the effort and benefits of
science
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 creating new jobs
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
 decade. it is
also
 possible to say that,
science
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
humans
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various occupations and industries, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of jobs nowadays that didn't exist
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past.
Moreover
,
science
develop
Change the verb form
develops
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 in various ways for
humans
.
for instance
, technology that applied
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
 century
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, cars, electricity etc.
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
humans
 live
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 convenient way. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 despite
people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 different views,I believe that
science
 could aim to improve many sectors and industries
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 could develop
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 lives
Submitted by almutairi.a.257 on

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grammar
There are several grammatical mistakes that need to be addressed. Make sure to use the correct tense and subject-verb agreement. For example, 'develop our live' should be 'develop our lives' and 'aim is develop' should be 'aim is to develop.'
coherence
Improve the logical flow between ideas. Instead of saying 'On one hand...On the other hand,' make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
examples
Elaborate on your main points with more specific examples and explanations. For instance, instead of just mentioning Japan using robots for cleaning, discuss how this impacts the broader context of living standards and environmental health.
content
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and takes a strong stance on the issue.
content
You mentioned relevant points such as the role of science in environmental conservation and job creation, which are well-thought-out areas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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