the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

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Correct your spelling
There
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is no denying the fact that
science
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could develop our
live
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lives
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.
while
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there is a commonly held belief that
science
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's crucial aim is improving
people
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people's
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lives, there is
also
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an argument
opposes
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that opposes
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it. in my opinion, I consider
science
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shouldn't just develop our
live
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lives
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but
also
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improve the whole planet. On one hand, one of the main aims of
science
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to
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is to
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develop the environment and tourism .
In other words
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, one of the developed countries Japan use a robot
assist
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apply
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to clean the parks and streets which
makes
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is
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a great benefit for the environment and makes a
great
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apply
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clean and healthy place for tourists and
local
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the local
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community.
In addition
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, there is a study made in China in 2018 that without the development
the
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of the
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medicien
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medicine
industry and education in general
the
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apply
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life would be much harder.
For example
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, chemicals and treatments that we apply these days
effect
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affect
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on
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apply
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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on
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in
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positive
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a positive
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way and
makes
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make
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nation live
with
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in
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good health for a long period.
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also
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Also
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these treatments
not
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are not
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only for
public
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the public
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but, all creatures on the planet, and
science
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provide help to rare animals avoid them to extinction using some medicines.
On the other hand
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. the world
have
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has
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seen the effort and benefits of
science
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in creating new jobs , especially in the
last
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decade. it is
also
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possible to say that, technique gives folk a chance in various occupations and industries, there are a lot of jobs nowadays that didn't exist in the past.
Moreover
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,
science
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develops convenience in various ways for
population
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the population
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.
for instance
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, technology that applied in the
last
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century phones, cars, electricity etc. makes society live in the most convenient way. In conclusion,there is no easy answer to
this
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question. On balance ,
however
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,
i
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I
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tend to believe that education could improve the whole world in various ways not just humans.
Submitted by almutairi.a.257 on

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction and ensure it aligns with the rest of the essay. Currently, your introduction suggests a broad aim for science (improving the whole planet), but your body paragraphs focus mainly on improving human lives and, briefly, the environment. Make sure your thesis statement clearly sets up your main points and stick to them.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. For instance, the transition between paragraphs can be smoother. Consider using transitional phrases effectively to improve coherence. Each paragraph should naturally lead to the next. For example, your paragraph on job creation could link back to how this ultimately improves people's lives.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. While you provide some relevant examples (such as Japan's use of robots and China's medical advancements), they could be better integrated into your argument. Explain more clearly how these examples support your main point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. While you have these sections, they could be more effectively framed. The introduction should introduce the topic clearly and state your position. The conclusion should succinctly wrap up your main points and restate your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, instead of "one of the developed countries Japan use a robot assist to clean the parks and streets," it would be clearer to say "In Japan, a developed country, robots are used to clean parks and streets." This would help in conveying your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt. Your response about improving the whole planet is valid but could be better tied back to the prompt, which specifically asks about improving people's lives. You can expand on this by explaining how improving the planet directly or indirectly benefits people.
content
Your essay discusses an array of valid points, including environmental and health benefits, technological advancements, and job creation.
examples
There are some good examples provided, such as Japan's use of robots and China's medical advancements, which add relevance to your points.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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