the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?
here
is no denying the fact that Correct your spelling
There
science
could develop our live
.Replace the word
lives
while
there is a commonly held belief that science
's crucial aim is improving people
lives, there is Change noun form
people's
also
an argument opposes
it. in my opinion, I consider Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
science
shouldn't just develop our live
but Replace the word
lives
also
improve the whole planet.
On one hand, one of the main aims of science
to
develop the environment and tourism .Add a missing verb
is to
In other words
, one of the developed countries Japan use a robot assist
to clean the parks and streets which Verb problem
apply
makes
a great benefit for the environment and makes a Verb problem
is
great
clean and healthy place for tourists and Correct word choice
apply
local
community.Add an article
the local
In addition
, there is a study made in China in 2018 that without the development the
Change preposition
of the
medicien
industry and education in general Correct your spelling
medicine
the
life would be much harder. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, chemicals and treatments that we apply these days effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
on
Change preposition
in
positive
way and Add an article
a positive
makes
nation live Correct subject-verb agreement
make
with
good health for a long period.Change preposition
in
also
these treatments Capitalize word
Also
not
only for Add a missing verb
are not
public
but, all creatures on the planet, and Add an article
the public
science
provide help to rare animals avoid them to extinction using some medicines.
On the other hand
. the world have
seen the effort and benefits of Change the verb form
has
science
in creating new jobs , especially in the last
decade. it is also
possible to say that, technique gives folk a chance in various occupations and industries, there are a lot of jobs nowadays that didn't exist in the past.Moreover
, science
develops convenience in various ways for population
. Add an article
the population
for instance
, technology that applied in the last
century phones, cars, electricity etc. makes society live in the most convenient way.
In conclusion,there is no easy answer to this
question. On balance ,however
, i
tend to believe that education could improve the whole world in various ways not just humans.Change the capitalization
I
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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction and ensure it aligns with the rest of the essay. Currently, your introduction suggests a broad aim for science (improving the whole planet), but your body paragraphs focus mainly on improving human lives and, briefly, the environment. Make sure your thesis statement clearly sets up your main points and stick to them.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. For instance, the transition between paragraphs can be smoother. Consider using transitional phrases effectively to improve coherence. Each paragraph should naturally lead to the next. For example, your paragraph on job creation could link back to how this ultimately improves people's lives.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. While you provide some relevant examples (such as Japan's use of robots and China's medical advancements), they could be better integrated into your argument. Explain more clearly how these examples support your main point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. While you have these sections, they could be more effectively framed. The introduction should introduce the topic clearly and state your position. The conclusion should succinctly wrap up your main points and restate your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, instead of "one of the developed countries Japan use a robot assist to clean the parks and streets," it would be clearer to say "In Japan, a developed country, robots are used to clean parks and streets." This would help in conveying your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt. Your response about improving the whole planet is valid but could be better tied back to the prompt, which specifically asks about improving people's lives. You can expand on this by explaining how improving the planet directly or indirectly benefits people.
content
Your essay discusses an array of valid points, including environmental and health benefits, technological advancements, and job creation.
examples
There are some good examples provided, such as Japan's use of robots and China's medical advancements, which add relevance to your points.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.