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Band 5.5

In a number of countries , some people think it is necessary to spend large aums of mony on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities . others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

#countries #people #aums #mony #railway #lines #trains #cities #money #transport
The debate over whether governments should invest in constructing new
railway
 lines for very fast
trains
 or focus on improving existing public transport systems is significant.
This
 essay will discuss
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that investing more funds in new
railway
 lines would help as it reduces
travel
 time.
while
 the other group believe that improving the current transport
system
 is more lower cost . On the one hand ,
people
 who agree with enhancing the current transport
system
 , think it`s much cheaper to repair the existing ones so they can save up extra budget for other services .
For example
, Upgrading bus services and cycling lines
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
means more individuals would prefer them over
trains
as a result
 the authorities would deny the idea of making a new
railway
 because it's
unnassasary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
.
However
 ,
people
 including me believe that a larger amount of the spending should go for new
railway
 project construction . agree that speedy
trains
 will cut down the
travel
 time between cities significantly
make
Correct word choice
and make
show examples
 daily commuting more feasible .
for instance
 , China has invested in a new fast
trains
Change the noun form
train
show examples
system
as a result
 ,
people
 were enabled to
travel
 quickly and efficiently for work or leisure. In conclusion , some
people
 agree that countries should focus on improving the available transportation
system
 because that would reduce the expenses on the government allowing them to keep the extra money . I believe
along with
 the other group that the government should put in place additional funds in order to build up a modern train
system
. As it helps shorten the time to
travel
 between cities.
Submitted by hebadyala on

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task achievement
Expand on your points with additional details and examples. For example, explain more thoroughly why fast trains are beneficial beyond just reducing travel time.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Additionally', 'Moreover', 'In contrast') to link ideas.
general grammar spelling
Be careful with grammar and spelling to ensure clarity and precision. For example, correct 'aums of mony' to 'sums of money' and 'unnassasary' to 'unnecessary'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and sets up the discussion for both points of view.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as China's investment in fast trains, which help illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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