In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or a negative development?
The rate of people migrating from rural to urban areas has increased in multiple countries around the globe, which
lead
to a decline in their Wrong verb form
has led
countryside
population
. I think this
is a negative development as the decreasing
in rural Replace the word
decrease
population
would negatively impact their facilities and agricultural work.
Countryside
residents would suffer from the lack of staff to run their various facilities such
as schools
, hospitals and clinics. In schools
, as professional teachers are moving to the cities, seeking perhaps higher wages, the rural areas' schools
wouldn't have enough members to educate the children there, subsequently
Add a comma
subsequently,
this
will affect their education level and put a burden on their parents to send them to further
schools
or home schooling
them. The same would happen in the hospitals and clinics, the shortage Correct your spelling
homeschooling
in
doctors and nurses will put the residents, mostly senior Change preposition
of
citiziens
, in dangerous situations when they can't get proper medical care. These and more other facilities will Correct your spelling
citizens
get
affected by the decrease in the Verb problem
be
countryside
population
.
As for the impact on the agriculture
field, the productivity of the agricultural lands in the Replace the word
agricultural
countryside
would fall down. As most of the residents are from older
generation, and because of the young workers shortage, it would be difficult to take care of their croplands and livestock. Add an article
an older
the older
As a result
, the crop yield and food supply would decrease. Moreover
, the experience from the professional farmers would lost as there is
Change the verb form
are
no
enough young people to be mentored. All of that would exert a negative impact on the agriculture growth.
In conclusion, I believe that the drop in rural Correct your spelling
not
areas
Change noun form
areas'
area's
population
, due to
the increased movement to the cities, is a negative trend affecting the performance of their schools
, clinics and their agricultural land efficiancy
.Correct your spelling
efficiency
Submitted by Lilly
on
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task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and have provided relevant reasons to support your view. To improve further, you may want to include a counter-argument and refute it to show deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, you might want to use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'however', 'furthermore', 'in addition') to enhance the flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing your argument well.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task, providing specific examples like the impact on schools and hospitals.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, showing a good command of English.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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