IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their abiliy to form personal relationships. other believe that these sites bring people together in beneficial way. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #abiliy #form #relationships
In contemporary society, the role of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 and networks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important.
However
, it
is seems
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 like a wrong decision to say that do not use social
media
 will always restrict people's careers. First of all,
career
 progression depends
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many factors, not only on the use of social
media
. A professional person will have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of qualifications and a lot of different skills. In our society, social
media
 is just the easy way to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 conversation with other members of the society.
Secondly
,
careers
Change the noun form
career
show examples
 development relies only on different methods and skills that were earned from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lots of experiences.
Finally
, everyone should remember that from different networks some people sometimes
receives
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receive
show examples
bullyings
Fix the agreement mistake
bullying
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet users. Unfortunately,
this
 can ruin the one-third of the successful careers.
On the other hand
, the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 can help to make
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 professional
career
. You can communicate with the other members of social
media
 or learn about the new
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
However
, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 is not the main reason to improve
the
Change the word
my
show examples
career
. In conclusion, using social
media
 has
the
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apply
show examples
one of the main influences
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
career
 growth.
In
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 can be said that there are plenty
ways
Change preposition
of ways
show examples
 to learn,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
meet new peers in
Career
 Events, attend meetings,
seek
Correct word choice
and seek
show examples
Career
 growth locally and
then
 globally. All counted ways can be achieved by being proactive and not by only relying on social
media
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Ensure to fully address the topic by mentioning both perspectives—those who see social media as harmful to young people's personal relationships and those who see it as beneficial.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your main points. For instance, mention specific professional advantages like LinkedIn networking or tangible negative effects like cyberbullying.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow by using transition words and phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore.' This will help to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction to better frame the essay within the given topic. Use a clear thesis statement that outlines your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Refine the conclusion by restating the key points made in your essay clearly to reinforce your argument.
content
The essay addresses the topic of social media and its effect on career progression, which is somewhat relevant to the given topic.
content
You’ve discussed both positive and negative aspects of social media, which shows an attempt at a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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