IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their abiliy to form personal relationships. other believe that these sites bring people together in beneficial way. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #abiliy #form #relationships
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In contemporary society, the role of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
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 and networks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 important.
However
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, it
is seems
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seems
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 like a wrong decision to say that do not use social
media
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 will always restrict people's careers. First of all,
career
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 progression depends
in
Change preposition
on
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 many factors, not only on the use of social
media
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. A professional person will have
a
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apply
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plenty of qualifications and a lot of different skills. In our society, social
media
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 is just the easy way to
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 conversation with other members of the society.
Secondly
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,
careers
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career
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 development relies only on different methods and skills that were earned from
the
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apply
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lots of experiences.
Finally
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, everyone should remember that from different networks some people sometimes
receives
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receive
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bullyings
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bullying
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 from
the
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apply
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internet users. Unfortunately,
this
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 can ruin the one-third of the successful careers.
On the other hand
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, the usage of
the
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apply
show examples
social
media
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 can help to make
better
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a better
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 professional
career
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. You can communicate with the other members of social
media
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 or learn about the new
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
.
However
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, using
the
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apply
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social
media
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 is not the main reason to improve
the
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my
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career
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. In conclusion, using social
media
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 has
the
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apply
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one of the main influences
in
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on
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career
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 growth.
In
Correct your spelling
It
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 can be said that there are plenty
ways
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of ways
show examples
 to learn,
or
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apply
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meet new peers in
Career
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 Events, attend meetings,
seek
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and seek
show examples
Career
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 growth locally and
then
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 globally. All counted ways can be achieved by being proactive and not by only relying on social
media
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Ensure to fully address the topic by mentioning both perspectives—those who see social media as harmful to young people's personal relationships and those who see it as beneficial.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your main points. For instance, mention specific professional advantages like LinkedIn networking or tangible negative effects like cyberbullying.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow by using transition words and phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore.' This will help to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction to better frame the essay within the given topic. Use a clear thesis statement that outlines your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Refine the conclusion by restating the key points made in your essay clearly to reinforce your argument.
content
The essay addresses the topic of social media and its effect on career progression, which is somewhat relevant to the given topic.
content
You’ve discussed both positive and negative aspects of social media, which shows an attempt at a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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