However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

Today, advancements in technology, science and marketing have changed individual's
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
, and they are giving more
importance
to them which was not the case earlier,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
arts
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
given
importance
for a long time in all cultures around the globe. These changes are caused by numerous reasons which will be
dicussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
in the following paragraphs
along with
what can be done to bring
people
's attention to
art
again.
To begin
with, the
casues
Correct your spelling
cause
of the scenario where
art
is being ignored for more commercialized commodities is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of emphasis given to
art
and artistic creations at the very basic level like schools and colleges. These days, institutes, parents, and teachers are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
emphasizing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
professional courses
than
Change preposition
over than
show examples
creative field which is taking away the
importance
of
art
in life.
Additionally
,
people
are more engrossed on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
and being driven away from
creative
Add an article
the creative
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
of life. They are being glued to their screens from the very beginning of their studies or
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For instance
, digitisation at all levels in education, companies even entertainment is the root cause of
this
problem. But as it is said, problems come with solutions, one just
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
to look for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
problem can
also
be eradicated by taking a few measures and we can turn back
people
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
to
art
. First of all, subjects related to
art
should be added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the curriculum at
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
and college level so that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation can be influenced towards arts. Courses
lile
Correct your spelling
like
sculpting, painting,
furniture
Correct word choice
and furniture
show examples
making should be added for the promotion of
creative
Correct article usage
a creative
show examples
mind.
Also
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
and provide aid to
such
organisations which are promoting or supporting
art
in any form as
this
will motivate them to create more
such
stances where
people
can be encouraged to
engaged
Change the verb
engage
show examples
in artistic
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
To conclude
, there is no doubt that scientific and
techonogical
Correct your spelling
technological
advancements are necessary in today's time and they should be given
importance
but
art
is the only way which can help
people
to cope with the pressure and stress of their work.
This
will
also
help in adding to the culture of the nation.
Submitted by bindiya.gupta01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar vocabulary
Ensure that you proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical and typographical errors, as there are a few places where words are misspelled or where the syntax could be improved.
development examples
Develop your main points more fully, providing additional specific examples and explanations that illustrate your arguments more comprehensively.
structure
While your introduction and conclusion are present, make sure to incorporate a more coherent and logical structure. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task response
Your ideas are generally clear and you have addressed the task by identifying causes and suggesting solutions.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion, which encapsulate the main points effectively.
development examples
You have made an effort to support your points with relevant examples and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!