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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Computers are increasingly popular these days. Many people think that the advantages the computer has brought outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion? Give your reasons in your own experience.

#computers #people #computer
There is no doubt that
computers
 have helped us to develop ourselves and globalize the world and reflect a better result in how to see the world, regardless that some people will disagree
my
Change preposition
with my
show examples
 opinion. In
this
 essay,
i
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I
show examples
 will provide my opinion on
this
 topic.
To begin
 with,
Computers
 made our life easier
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the past times,
Furthermore
, we can learn anything via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 without going to university or school and we can learn new skills or develop
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
skills by learning them from
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 through
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
,
in addition
, 90% of the jobs required a
computer
 so you can work and improve the company,
However
,
computers
 can be useful and enjoyable in your free time and you can build your own projects and professional resumes using some methods in
computer
 functions.
On the other hand
,
computers
 can be harmful sometimes by leading to
buildup
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the buildup
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 bad habits and wasting your time like watching porn, involves in terrorist groups, or
by
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apply
show examples
playing games without any real benefit and it gets worse if you get addicted to these things,
In addition
, it can
also
 hurt your eyes if you spent a lot of time on the screen watching or playing
computer
,
Furthermore
, spending too many hours sitting on the
computer
 can cause some Back pains in the future
To conclude
,
computers
 have merits and disadvantages
in
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on
show examples
 both sides,
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, it's important that we balance our lives in
this
 case and use
computers
 for benefit purposes and reduce the harmful and bad things to improve our lifestyle.
Submitted by aziz1dakhil on

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task achievement
The introduction could be more specific about the aspects of computer use you'll discuss. It would help set clearer expectations for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more logically. For example, start with the advantages, then discuss the disadvantages, and finally conclude. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention particular online courses or professional tools that are beneficial.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of computers, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You included a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
Mentioning both learning and work-related benefits as well as the leisure and health-related disadvantages shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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