IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that money makes life easier and more comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #money #life #amount #wealth #trouble
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Many
people
 trust that money makes life quite easier and more convenient.
However
,
people
 think that a big amount of wealth could bring more challenges in a way Nowadays some
people
 trying to solve and incorporate new places.
For instance
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 divided some useful ways to keep relationships and it brings some useful activities to think about and
as a result
,
people
 can understand
this
 way to compare trouble and easier. I think it's debating conversation in
people
's minds
for example
 In my area
people
 had taken some knowledge to think about it. When it comes to getting better
people
 dislike descriptions of more trouble in earning money in their life because they don'
t
 deal with
this
 problematic information because they think relationships can'
t
 improve in their situation and they have more jobs to work,
as a result
, they don'
t
 spend and don'
t
 feel like a member of the family and others think is not disadvantages
however
 they have a supplementary time to get a better member of the family. In conclusion, there are some difficulties incorporating relationships and they have extra time to think to spend with family. They are able to get better at solving
this
 problem and
this
 way bring a lot of beneficial life to spend easier.
Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Your essay should have a clear stance on whether the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and supporting details to strengthen your arguments. These examples should be directly related to the points you are making in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clearly expressed and logical. Some sections of your essay include vague and unorganized thoughts. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and flows logically to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to make your essay easier to follow. Use linking words and phrases like 'for example,' 'in addition,' 'however,' etc.
general
Revisit grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are a bit confusing or awkward. Work on constructing sentences that are clear and concise. Improving grammar will also boost overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion attempts to summarize the main points and present a final viewpoint, which is crucial for good cohesion.
task achievement
The essay makes an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Quality of life
  • Social isolation
  • Philanthropy
  • Wealth management
  • Material possessions
  • Economic stability
  • Opportunities
  • Excessive wealth
  • Exploitative relationships
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