Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work

The fact is that more young people want to leave their hometowns and are far away from their families to have a chance to go to

work

.From my perspective,it is a positive change for some reasons mentioned in

this

essay. On the one hand, there are few negative effects when people who far away from their families and friends.

First,

they have to suffer from the new working environment immediately.

Also

, they feel alone and bored because they haven't made friends yet.

In addition

, they can be disoriented in finding

work

and it can lead to long-term unemployment.

Furthermore

, when they move to a new city, they have difficulties finding finances.

On the other hand

, there are some positive effects.

First,

they have to endure a new environment. If anyone is strong enough,they will be independent and earn their own money. Particularly, they

also

have more opportunities for

work

and can be incredibly successful.

Additionally

, once successful they can improve their life.

For example

, they can take care of and buy the best for their family.

Then

, they can confidently show off their achievements to friends.

To sum up

, no one can deny the fact that more inhabitants leave their hometowns and families to find

work

Although

it is believed to be negative .I still believe

this

trend is positive.

Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on Thu Jul 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear main idea. This will make your argumentation stronger and your essay more coherent.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your points. Specific evidence can make your argument more compelling and relatable.

task achievement

Proofread your essay to correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. This will help improve the overall clarity and readability of your essay.

introduction

Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, which sets a clear direction for the essay.

conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your final stance on the issue.

content balance

You have made a good distinction between the advantages and disadvantages of moving away from family and friends for work, providing a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

215 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

career advancement
job opportunities
job market
salaries
personal growth
cultural horizons
adaptability
resilience
global perspective
emotional and psychological impact
loved ones
loneliness
homesickness
support network
long-distance relationships
emotional strain
face-to-face interactions
financial cost
housing deposits
travel costs
living expenses

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that the goverment is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to pretocet themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?