IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Employees sometime ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interest and whether they are married or single.Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful while other disagree.To what extent do you agree.

#employees #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interest
Some people find that personal
questions
 related to marital status and hobbies are relevant and can add
to
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apply
show examples
value to the interview process,
while
 others find
this
 irrelevant. In my opinion, the personal background of a
candidate
 contributes
a
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apply
show examples
little
in
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to
show examples
Add an article
the decision
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decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 process and only creates
biases
 which is neither good for the
candidate
or
Correct word choice
nor
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 for the company.
This
 topic will explore both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
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view
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 and provide the supporting reasons why I think that asking
personal
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for personal
show examples
 information is not relevant.
Firstly
, personal
questions
 can help the
interviewer
 in making an informed decision about the roles where the job requires a
candidate
 to do overtime and travel.
Hence
 asking
questions
 like if
candidate
Add an article
the candidate
a candidate
show examples
 is married and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 other commitments where he might not be able to commit as per the demand of the job.
However
,
such
 private
questions
 can create
biases
 against a
candidate
 and may not effectively address the concerns of an
interviewer
.
For example
, a
candidate
 may be married and have a few young kids but he could be open to travel and other requirements of the job.
Furthermore
, it would be helpful if the
interviewer
ask
Wrong verb form
asked
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questions
 directly from the candidates,
instead
 of trying to imply that since a
candidate
 is married; he may not be flexible with his work hours or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Secondly
, interviewers generally ask
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
questions
 about hobbies and other personal information to understand if the
candidate
 has any engagements outside of work that are so dominant that the
candidate
's
capibility
Correct your spelling
capability
 to work could be hampered.
However
, there is a bigger risk that
interviewer
Correct article usage
the interviewer
show examples
 will create unintentional
biases
 against
candidate
Add an article
a candidate
the candidate
show examples
.
For instance
, a
candidate
 could be a person who loves to travel a lot and has
traveled
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travelled
show examples
accross
Correct your spelling
across
 the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
.
To which
Change preposition
Which
show examples
, an interview may come to a conclusion that the
candidate
 is likely to ask for
leaves
Correct subject-verb agreement
leave
show examples
 more than candidates who are not into travelling. In my opinion,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
asking personal
questions
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not help
and
Correct word choice
or
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 add any value to the interview process and it is advisable that an
interviewer
 refrains from asking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
questions
 that are personal to avoid any
biases
.
Submitted by maneetgiri1 on

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task response
Make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've made a good attempt, there should be a clearer balance in discussing both sides of the argument.
task response
Provide more specific, clear examples to support your points. This will strengthen your essay and illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. While generally coherent, some points and examples could be better connected.
coherence cohesion
Review your work for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to enhance clarity and readability.
structure
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a well-rounded structure.
content
The main points are relevant to the task and are supported with explanations and examples, even if those examples could be more specific.
content
You have articulated your opinion clearly and supported it with reasonable arguments, which is essential for a strong task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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