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Band 5

Many children nowadays find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What are the possible solutions to this problem?

#children #attention #school #phenomenon
Over the
last
 decade,concentrating on
school
 and studying lessons has been tough.
It is clear that
 the majority of students are becoming careless about doing their homework at
school
.It is obvious that there are a lot of reasons for being inattentive
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
.
This
 essay will look at some causes and
also
 I will propose several significant solutions. Let's begin by looking at some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 being unconcerned about
school
.It is considered that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most students are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
involved
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology
such
 as video games,
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 and computers.Generally speaking,by progressing digital networks and social media,more and more
children
 may not concentrate on their lessons at
school
.Another notable reason is that the
parents
 might not be able to control their
children
 in order to demolish these
distractions
Replace the word
distracting
show examples
 facilities.
In other words
,most
parents
 may not have any strict rules for their
children
 to do their homework. Turning to the side of the solutions,the way forward to
this
 issue might be
increase
Fix the infinitive
to increase
show examples
 the awareness of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both students and
parents
 about consequences of the consuming video games and mobile phones.If the
children
 know about the disadvantages of digital networking,they will not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be keen on using them like before.To tackle the problems of
parents
 with their
children
,
parents
 should legislate new rules for concentrating and attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
.Not only can
parents
 affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
,but
also
 they can put strict rules in their home for lessons.
To conclude
,
carring
Correct your spelling
carrying
caring
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 might be difficult for
children
 because of some reasons
such
 as video games,digital networks and social media.These problems will remain unchanged unless both government and
parents
 do something for them.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence
Ensure that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Using connective words and phrases can help create a smoother flow.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples to support your points. This will add depth and enrich your argument, making it more convincing.
task achievement
Address minor grammatical issues and punctuation errors to improve clarity and readability. For instance, be mindful of comma usage in compound sentences.
coherence
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the essay by outlining the problem and indicating that solutions will be proposed. This provides a good understanding of what to expect.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies relevant causes of the problem (modern technology distractions, lack of parental control) and suggests appropriate solutions (increasing awareness and enforcing rules).

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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