IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The tourist industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years and there are few places which are unaffected by it. However, tourism rarely benefits the countries which tourists visit. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#tourist #industry #fifty #years #places #tourism #countries #tourists #visit
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These days, the
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry has been one of the booming sectors around the world for over fifty years. Even though, some say that
tourism
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 does not provide many more privileges to
nations
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 when travellers
visit
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. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for the following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
tourism
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 brings enormous benefits to
nations
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 constantly.
This
Linking Words
 means
,
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apply
show examples
tourists
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 can utilize all the facilities by paying money where they go to
visit
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while
Linking Words
 they should need accommodations, food, travel vehicles, and travel guides.
For example
Linking Words
, travellers pay taxes when they buy any
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
, and
as a result
Linking Words
, the
country
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's economy will rise tremendously because of
tourists
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. Needless to say,
tourists
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 not only
visit
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to
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apply
show examples
other
nations
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 in certain periods but
also
Linking Words
 the whole year they
visit
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 where their loved places
, so
Add a missing verb
are, so
show examples
tourism
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 always brings
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 to the
nations
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 constantly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
tourism
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 provides a plethora of employment opportunities to the population where sightseers
visit
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 the territories.
This
Linking Words
 is, local people sell their
handcraft
Replace the word
handcrafted
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 items, vegetables, rare
country
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 fruits and hand-made dresses to foreigners in order
to
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for
show examples
 the local
inhabitant's
Change noun form
inhabitants
show examples
earnings
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are
Wrong verb form
be
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 stable.
For instance
Linking Words
, many people's regular income from
tourists
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 and they have small shops in that places, earn from
tourism
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.
Hence
Linking Words
,
tourism
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 certainly, brings enormous amounts of
earnings
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 to the
country
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 where visitors come. In conclusion,
tourism
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 plays a crucial role in the nation's economy. It brings more
earnings
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 to the
country
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 constantly because the local
residence's
Replace the word
residents's
show examples
 income and
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 are stable
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 pay more taxes when they purchase things.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
tourism
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 creates a lot of
earnings
Use synonyms
 and income constantly
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
nations
Use synonyms
 where traveller visits places.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
While your response covers the task, there are areas for improvement. Focus on providing more varied and relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a strong conclusion that reiterates your main argument.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing the benefits of tourism effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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