IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The tourist industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years and there are few places which are unaffected by it. However, tourism rarely benefits the countries which tourists visit. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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These days, the
tourism
 industry has been one of the booming sectors around the world for over fifty years. Even though, some say that
tourism
 does not provide many more privileges to
nations
 when travellers
visit
. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement for the following reasons.
To begin
 with,
tourism
 brings enormous benefits to
nations
 constantly.
This
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
tourists
 can utilize all the facilities by paying money where they go to
visit
while
 they should need accommodations, food, travel vehicles, and travel guides.
For example
, travellers pay taxes when they buy any
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
, and
as a result
, the
country
's economy will rise tremendously because of
tourists
. Needless to say,
tourists
 not only
visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
other
nations
 in certain periods but
also
 the whole year they
visit
 where their loved places
, so
Add a missing verb
are, so
show examples
tourism
 always brings
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 to the
nations
 constantly.
Furthermore
,
tourism
 provides a plethora of employment opportunities to the population where sightseers
visit
 the territories.
This
 is, local people sell their
handcraft
Replace the word
handcrafted
show examples
 items, vegetables, rare
country
 fruits and hand-made dresses to foreigners in order
to
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for
show examples
 the local
inhabitant's
Change noun form
inhabitants
show examples
earnings
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 stable.
For instance
, many people's regular income from
tourists
 and they have small shops in that places, earn from
tourism
.
Hence
,
tourism
 certainly, brings enormous amounts of
earnings
 to the
country
 where visitors come. In conclusion,
tourism
 plays a crucial role in the nation's economy. It brings more
earnings
 to the
country
 constantly because the local
residence's
Replace the word
residents's
show examples
 income and
job
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jobs
show examples
 are stable
along
with
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apply
show examples
tourists
 pay more taxes when they purchase things.
Therefore
, I completely disagree with
this
 statement because
tourism
 creates a lot of
earnings
 and income constantly
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
nations
 where traveller visits places.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
While your response covers the task, there are areas for improvement. Focus on providing more varied and relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a strong conclusion that reiterates your main argument.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing the benefits of tourism effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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