IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Caring of children is an important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take training courses. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that
parents
Use synonyms
 should take education
courses
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 to learn how they take
care
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 of their
kids
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
this
Linking Words
 learning method will help fathers and mothers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn the right way to take
care
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 of their children, and
this
Linking Words
 will improve the quality of their society.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should take training
courses
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 to learn an effective method used with children. If they educate about
this
Linking Words
 aspect they will become an amazing parent in the world. Because
this
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 affects their life and the outcome their children will be
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey in Japan found when
parents
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 are caring
of
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for
show examples
 their
kids
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 by using different information from learning
courses
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,
this
Linking Words
 makes their life easier than other
parents
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 who do not learn anything about
kids
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.
secondly
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,
this
Linking Words
 is an important thing to improve our society by increasing families' awareness.
Parents
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' awareness is keeping their
kids
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 under their vision and controlling their bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
this
Linking Words
 will decrease the number of crimes and make their society a good place to live.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a family that used to let their
kids
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 do what they want
then
Linking Words
 they found
this
Linking Words
 method makes
kids
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 worse than others,
then
Linking Words
 they started to take a specific course for
kids
Use synonyms
care
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 and
this
Linking Words
 helped them a lot. In conclusion, I believe taking
care
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 of
kids
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 is a primary thing in a parent's life. so fathers and mothers have to take training
courses
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 to help their
kids
Use synonyms
 grow up
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right way.

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clear comprehensive ideas
To improve the clarity of your ideas, ensure each point is clearly explained and adequately supported by examples or evidence. For example, the first main point about effective parenting could benefit from more detailed examples of what constitutes 'effective methods.'
logical structure
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and avoid abrupt jumps between ideas. Subheadings like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are good, but ensure that there is a clear connection between these major points.
relevant specific examples
Your examples, while relevant, could be more specific. Including data, studies, or more thoroughly fleshed-out hypothetical scenarios would strengthen your argument. The example from Japan is good, but could benefit from more detail on the survey's findings.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and previews your main points. This sets a solid foundation for your essay and makes your position immediately clear to the reader.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure with clear subheadings ('Firstly,' 'Secondly') that guide the reader through your points. This helps in maintaining coherence and understanding.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance. This helps in reinforcing your argument and leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • equip (verb): to provide with necessary tools or skills
  • cater (verb): to attend to someone's needs or requirements
  • development stages (noun): specific times during a child's growth when certain physical or psychological changes occur
  • nutrition (noun): the process of providing or receiving the food necessary for health and growth
  • foster (verb): to promote the growth or development of something
  • mandatory (adjective): required by law or rules
  • infringement (noun): the action of limiting or undermining something
  • practicality (noun): the quality or state of being practical or realistic
  • accessibility (noun): the quality of being easy to obtain or use
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