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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came form and the chars show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came form and the chars show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Both
Use synonyms
 the table and the charts provide data on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in Britain. The table illustrates
sources
Use synonyms
 of finances
while
Linking Words
 the chart shows how it was divided.
Overall
Linking Words
,
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 government provided
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of money as compared to other
sources
Use synonyms
. The local taxes collected
low
Add a missing verb
were low
show examples
 but in the following
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 it added the
amount
Use synonyms
. other
sources
Use synonyms
 of revenue contributed the least
amount
Use synonyms
. In
both
Use synonyms
 the
years
Use synonyms
,
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage was used on officers and staff salaries.
Further
Linking Words
,
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of money was used for building and transport in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. To start with, the national government contributed the most for the two
years
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
, 175.5m and 177.8m respectively. The local taxes were low in 2017 but increased from 91.2m to 102.3m in the following year but the other
sources
Use synonyms
 of income
such
Linking Words
 as grants had only a rise of 0.5m increase as compared
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the previous year.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
 2017 and 2018,
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage was utilized on salaries for officers and the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 75% and 69% of the total
amount
Use synonyms
 respectively. The cost for construction and transport remained constant for all the
years
Use synonyms
 amounting to 17% and as the usage of technology was the least in 2017 with 8%, the figure rose in 2018 to 14%.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, sources, amount, years, m with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provide" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget
  • allocation
  • funding sources
  • national government
  • local taxes
  • expenditure
  • distribution
  • categories
  • spending
  • salaries
  • technology
  • infrastructure
  • buildings
  • transport
  • financial year
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • economic factors
  • policy changes
  • comparisons
  • significant/noticeable changes
  • priorities
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