Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is
a
popular Change the article
apply
believe
that Replace the word
belief
students
better
Add a missing verb
are better
to
be appreciated if they get Fix the infinitive
apply
highest
score in their Change the article
the highest
study
. Whilst, others have another opinion that the Fix the agreement mistake
studies
one
who able to demonstrate their performance increase should be awarded. This
essay will demonstrate both views which are how top students
keep their
good work because they are appreciated and rewarding the Change preposition
up their
one
who show improvement is causing Correct pronoun usage
ones
everyone
is
pushed to Change the verb form
to be
be improved
. Wrong verb form
improve
Then
the essay will explain why the second opinion is more important than the first believe
.
Many believe top Replace the word
belief
students
will continue to work as hard as before when they are recognized for their achievements. Usually, students
tend to think it will be pointless if their hard work is not appreciated. However
, this
view is not strong enough to be taken seriously because they are already rewarded for the high marks they get. For instance
, the top high school students
are able to get into top universities more easily than the others who unfortunately do not have good grades.
On the other hand
, some people think that giving appreciation to students
who show improvement will push everyone
to improve. By this
, I mean not all students
are born talented in academic skills but every single student without exception is able to improve in some way. Considering, that teaching every student to improve is one
of the main goals of education, it is more important to encourage everyone
to push themselves rather than only minority students
who are top students
. For example
, in my country, it is a common thing to only appreciate students
who get the highest grades. As a result
, many of them who are not talented to get good marks do not bother to push themselves to improve.
In conclusion, rewarding improvement is more crucially important rather than appreciating raw talent because the top students
have already been rewarded for their good marks and it is one
vital mission in education to improve everyone
regardless of their initial background.Submitted by kelly on
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General
Your essay presents a clear discussion of both viewpoints, but occasionally lacks precision in language and grammar. Try to proofread more carefully to eliminate minor errors and improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your sentences are complete and grammatically correct. For example, 'It is a popular believe that students better to be appreciated if...' can be revised to 'It is a popular belief that students should be appreciated if...'.
Coherence and Cohesion
You should aim to use more specific linking phrases to enhance the cohesion of your essay. For example, instead of 'Whilst, others have another opinion,' consider using 'On the other hand, others argue that...'.
Task Achievement
The essay includes a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a high score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and present, providing a strong framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
You use relevant examples to support your points, which helps to strengthen your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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