Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #students #results #reward #show #improvement

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It is

Change the article

apply

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popular

believe

Replace the word

belief

show examples

that

students

Use synonyms

better

Add a missing verb

are better

show examples

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

be appreciated if they get

highest

Change the article

the highest

show examples

score in their

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

. Whilst, others have another opinion that the

one

Use synonyms

who able to demonstrate their performance increase should be awarded.

This

Linking Words

essay will demonstrate both views which are how top

students

Use synonyms

keep

their

Change preposition

up their

show examples

good work because they are appreciated and rewarding the

Use synonyms

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

who show improvement is causing

everyone

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

to be

show examples

pushed to

be improved

Wrong verb form

improve

show examples

Then

Linking Words

the essay will explain why the second opinion is more important than the first

believe

Replace the word

belief

show examples

. Many believe top

students

Use synonyms

will continue to work as hard as before when they are recognized for their achievements. Usually,

students

Use synonyms

tend to think it will be pointless if their hard work is not appreciated.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

view is not strong enough to be taken seriously because they are already rewarded for the high marks they get.

For instance

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, the top high school

students

Use synonyms

are able to get into top universities more easily than the others who unfortunately do not have good grades.

On the other hand

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, some people think that giving appreciation to

students

Use synonyms

who show improvement will push

everyone

Use synonyms

to improve. By

this

Linking Words

, I mean not all

students

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are born talented in academic skills but every single student without exception is able to improve in some way. Considering, that teaching every student to improve is

one

Use synonyms

of the main goals of education, it is more important to encourage

everyone

Use synonyms

to push themselves rather than only minority

students

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who are top

students

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For example

Linking Words

, in my country, it is a common thing to only appreciate

students

Use synonyms

who get the highest grades.

As a result

Linking Words

, many of them who are not talented to get good marks do not bother to push themselves to improve. In conclusion, rewarding improvement is more crucially important rather than appreciating raw talent because the top

students

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have already been rewarded for their good marks and it is

one

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vital mission in education to improve

everyone

Use synonyms

regardless of their initial background.

Submitted by kelly on Fri Jul 05 2024

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General

Your essay presents a clear discussion of both viewpoints, but occasionally lacks precision in language and grammar. Try to proofread more carefully to eliminate minor errors and improve clarity.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your sentences are complete and grammatically correct. For example, 'It is a popular believe that students better to be appreciated if...' can be revised to 'It is a popular belief that students should be appreciated if...'.

Coherence and Cohesion

You should aim to use more specific linking phrases to enhance the cohesion of your essay. For example, instead of 'Whilst, others have another opinion,' consider using 'On the other hand, others argue that...'.

Task Achievement

The essay includes a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a high score.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and present, providing a strong framework for your essay.

Task Achievement

You use relevant examples to support your points, which helps to strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Many people feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Some people believe that restoration of old building costs too much. We should demolish them and build new one instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.