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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #cinema #attendance #australia #projections #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph compares
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people
attendance
Replace the word
attending
show examples
 the cinema in Australia between
1990and
Correct your spelling
1990 and
 now with overturn to 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
 of
age
Use synonyms
 14-
24 year olds
Add a hyphen
24-year-olds
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
during this
show examples
 period.
By contrast
Linking Words
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 group of
age
Use synonyms
 between 50
age
Use synonyms
 and above
showes
Correct your spelling
shows
Correct article usage
an anegligible
show examples
anegligible
Correct your spelling
a negligible
negligible
 count for
attandances
Correct your spelling
attendances
attendance
 in the cinema.
However
Linking Words
,in 1990 amount of
tenager
Correct your spelling
teenager
teenagers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 dramatically
rasied
Correct your spelling
raised
.
By contrast
Linking Words
 old ages were lowest in
this
Linking Words
 period.
Linking Words
on
Capitalize word
On
show examples
 the other hand, between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two years 1992 and 1994,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 the shows all
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
attandances
Correct your spelling
attendances
attendance
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
slowlly
Correct your spelling
slowly
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,in 2000,the
number
Use synonyms
 of all ages
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 stable and same level.
However
Linking Words
, between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 years 2008 and 2010,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 young people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 between 35 and 49
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
reach to
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 100 attandence in
this
Linking Words
 period.
Linking Words
BY
Correct your spelling
By
show examples
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
gerytric
Correct your spelling
geriatric
 were
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
acount
Correct your spelling
account
amount
 of attendance in the cinema. in 2006,between the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
group
Correct your spelling
25
 25and
49
Add a comma
49,
show examples
 the attendance
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 70 which
Correct your spelling
is
ia
Correct your spelling
is
 the same
number
Use synonyms
Submitted by alkhaldijojo80 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast, however, on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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