The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons

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The both

Correct article usage

Both

show examples

given

Verb problem

apply

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charts illustrate the proportion of places young people choose to dance and the number of people under 16 years old who enjoy various types of dance classes.

Overall

Linking Words

, the younger ones are more keen on dancing in private studios than the others.

Moreover

Linking Words

, individuals below the age of 11 like ballet,

while

Linking Words

kids between 11 and 16 love the modern one.

According to

Linking Words

the pie chart, the percentage of children who choose private studios to dance is the highest, at 48%.

Following

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

are school halls and community halls and

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

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, with the figures being about 24% and 18%, respectively. College-based studios

Change the verb form

are

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the lowest, approximately 10% of kids are keen on

this

Linking Words

place. As regards the bar graph, the number of children under 11 years old doing ballet dominates the top, at 600 students. Ranking second and third are tap and modern, with the data indicating approximately 470 and 300 young people, respectively.

On the contrary

Linking Words

, children from 11 to 16 years old do modern dancing more than tap and ballet, with the figures being 520 students,

while

Linking Words

the

latters

Correct your spelling

latter

only have 420 and 300

youngers

Correct your spelling

younger

show examples

, respectively.

Submitted by weezel on Fri Jul 05 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

191 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

attending
currently
location
variety
ballet
hip-hop
contemporary
jazz
venues
popularity
attendees
juxtaposing
correlating
proximity
cultural influences
trends
anomalies
monopoly
proportion
distribution
enrollment

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