IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees?

#jobs #employers #employees
Jobs are becoming increasingly stressful
due to
 numerous reasons including
strenious
Correct your spelling
strenuous
 working hours and underemployment.
For instance
, the NHS is currently experiencing a shortage of staff members,
thus
 forcing healthcare professionals to work for prolonged hours. The demands of being a doctor,
such
 as the constant responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
populations
Change to a genitive case
population's
populations'
show examples
 well-being, paired with long working hours undoubtedly increase worry and anxiety.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underemployment can be attributed to a
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 working population within a nation,
such
 as China. In the 20th century, the government of China enforced the '
one child
Add a hyphen
one-child
show examples
 policy',
consequently
 leading to an increased elderly population with a small number of citizens to support them.
Hence
, the majority of institutions in China are understaffed with the employees being overworked in order to support their families. Employers to help: Include rewards for staff who work long,
this
 will help reduce stress and provide for their family.
Themselves
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 have to work in shops.
Submitted by hayalkk02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Write a clear and concise introduction that outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion or the main idea.
task achievement
Expand on what employers can do to help employees by providing a variety of practical measures. This could include better work-life balance policies, mental health support, and improved working conditions.
coherence cohesion
Include transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of the essay. This will help in linking ideas and paragraphs, making the essay easier to read.
task achievement
The essay has identified relevant reasons for increasing stress levels in jobs, such as long working hours and underemployment.
task achievement
Well-chosen examples, such as the NHS and China's one-child policy, effectively support the main points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: