IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Othour er believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #country #host #event #othour #events
Sports
events
 are an important part of our cultural life. Where should we hold international competitions? Some people desire their country to host
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
,
while
 others believe that sporting
events
 bring more
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 than benefits. I support the first opinion, we will discuss
this
 social issue
further
 in the essay.
Firstly
, we will consider the first point of view. The grand event is a good reason to attract foreign tourists, they will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spend their money on souvenirs, accommodation, food, and tickets.
Thus
 it will bring scads of money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the national economy.
For example
, the Olympic Games in Sochi in 2014 has paid off totally.
Moreover
, sporting
events
 exert
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 cultural influence on the world and improve
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 image of the country.
Besides
, some expenditure for
buidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
,
such
 as
stadions
Correct your spelling
stations
stadiums
 and logistics infrastructure, can be useful in the future.
Also
,
funs
Correct your spelling
fans
show examples
 will be able to go to the performance of their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 athletes without travelling.
Secondly
, we will consider the second point of view. The main problem is
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
.
For example
, The Mundial or the World Football Cup in Russia in 2018
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought proceeds
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 6 billion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars, but costs were nearly 11
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars, most similar
events
 aren't profitable
likewise
hence
 we aren't worth holding these
events
.
Additionally
, a host of
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 is a serious responsibility.
For example
, a horrendous terrorist attack
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the Olympic Games in Munich in 1972 when the
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
 policy couldn't free hostages from terrorists. In conclusion, I believe that a big international festival is worth the money, but we should reduce its cost.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further. Provide more detailed explanations and extend your arguments to cover different aspects of the question more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph sufficiently elaborates on the points made and that transitions between ideas are smooth.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the issue and your stance, which makes it clear to the reader what your essay will discuss. The presence of an introduction and conclusion adds structure to your essay.
supported main points
You address both views on the topic and give relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the Olympic Games in Sochi and the World Cup in Russia.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: