IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

All criminals should have access to education and rehabilitation programs while in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree on this IELTS topic?

#criminals #access #education #rehabilitation #programs #prison #ielts #topic
Criminals
 are undoubtedly judged negatively by
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the community,
whereas
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
 resentment can lead them into inhumane
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 or lack of attention towards the criminal. In modern days, there are
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of
education
 and
rehabilitation
programs
 that are designed for all
criminals
while
 in prison.
Hence
, in
this
 essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss why we should agree that
criminals
 should access these
programs
 in their detention time.
Firstly
,
education
 is the most fundamental pillar that everyone must have
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
. I believe that all
criminals
 have not received a proper
education
 in their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
; based on my experience, all deviant acts are happening because of there is a lack of
education
.
Therefore
, good
education
 and
rehabilitation
programs
 are expected to provide a more positive lifestyle or maybe a new source of income for the
criminals
.
Secondly
, there is always a second chance for everyone, including
criminals
. We must agree
on
Change preposition
that
show examples
 everyone has made mistakes,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 do
criminals
, they are just like us,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. Many
criminals
 repent
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 they did and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to start their new
life
. Decent
education
 can prevent them
repeating
Change preposition
from repeating
show examples
 the same mistake in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next chapter of
life
.
Besides
 that,
rehabilitation
programs
 help to stop them from their negative addiction so they can change into someone who is healthier. In conclusion,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 there are some detestations for the
criminals
, I
am agreeing
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 that a proper
education
 and
rehabilitation
 program must be easily accessed by the
criminals
 because it can help them improve their skills and help them become a much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better person.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is supported with specific examples and evidence. For instance, you could provide specific success stories or statistics on the impact of education and rehabilitation programs on prisoners.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between your paragraphs. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive word choices and sentence structures to improve readability. Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence beginnings.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument about providing education and rehabilitation to criminals.
task achievement
You have effectively stated your position and provided reasons to support your viewpoint that criminals should have access to education and rehabilitation programs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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