Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money Discuss both views Give reason for your answers and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience
Many crowds claim that family parties ought to be strongly glorious by spending a lot of
money
. Use synonyms
However
, I highly defend myself from those who say allocating too much Linking Words
money
to family gatherings is a way of consuming Use synonyms
money
.
Supporters of squandering Use synonyms
fund
by holding luxury ceremonies said that celebrations should be as splendid as possible even if parties have become gaudy. Many people pay too much attention to how others think about them. Fix the agreement mistake
funds
For example
, the vast majority of families in Iran put their effort to celebrate their little children's birthday as sheeny as possible. Parents think that the more celebration splendid is, the richer they may seem. Having said that, If they considered a balanced form for the financial aspects of birthdays or any parties, they would save Linking Words
money
and Use synonyms
also
hold acceptable ceremonies.
Linking Words
On the other hand
,thrifty individuals argue that expense Linking Words
money
immethodically for relative celebrations is not reasonable. Outlay payment wastefully is said to be Use synonyms
a
idea Change the article
an
to
being far away from a balanced lifestyle and over time, It becomes a harmful habit.
Change preposition
of
In other words
, by spending cash irregularly, after a Linking Words
while
, it becomes a routine and people are forced to do it. Linking Words
As a result
, saving bulk is forgotten day by day.
Linking Words
To sum up
, I wholeheartedly believe that having a balanced lifestyle is a means of being successful. By excessing on any issues, like spending too much property for family celebrations,many people become remote from their original lifestyle and forget about saving Linking Words
money
.Use synonyms
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving your sentence structure. Some sentences are awkward or confusing. For example, 'Supporters of squandering fund by holding luxury ceremonies said that celebrations should be as splendid as possible even if parties have become gaudy.' This can be improved for better clarity.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific and relevant examples that would add depth to your argument. Try to include more concrete examples from your own experience or reliable sources.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are well-supported. The point about parents in Iran trying to hold splendid celebrations could benefit from more supporting details or statistics to make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. Sentences like 'Having a balanced lifestyle is a means of being successful' and 'saving money' are repeated in different forms. This can be streamlined for better flow.
coherence cohesion
It's evident that you have a good grasp of the English language and can structure an argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints, which is a strong point in terms of task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.