IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many countries are experiencing serious problems with their environment, with pollution of their land, water and air. What are these problems and how might they be reduced?

#countries #environment #pollution #land #water #air
Ecological problems, associated with
pollution
Correct article usage
the pollution
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 of natural resources, are becoming one of the primary issues of many nations. The main problem
this
 causes is
Correct article usage
the rick
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rick
Correct your spelling
risk
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 of health diseases and the most viable solution is to inform people about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 of it. The principal issue related to
pollution
Correct article usage
the pollution
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 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 is
caused
Verb problem
apply
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harm for
organism
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the organism
an organism
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 of human. Daily consumption of polluted
by
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apply
show examples
garbage
water
 is not
rare
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a rare
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 situation. The result of
this
 is
water
 with bad quality entering the body, which will be
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
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 throughout the organs and cause damage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 blood, kidneys and heart.
For example
, a recent
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 survey conducted in India found that
number
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a number
the number
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 of men and women with health problems
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 using dirty
water
 increased by 12% in
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 year. To tackle
this
 problem the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should launch a publicity campaign in schools to educate
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation about
dangers
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the dangers
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 of
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
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 of unhealthy
water
.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
show examples
 in school should be taught about how to distinguish what is healthy and harmful in terms of natural drinks. They are
also
 likely to teach their parents about things they learned at
scholl
Correct your spelling
school
 and adults will
also
 be influenced by their initiative.
For example
, school kids in Japan were taught about the consequences of using
such
 type of
water
 and it resulted in a 5% decrease in case of health problems. In conclusion, environmental pollution is a major issue that can result in people diseases caused by
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of
water
 with
bad
Add an article
the bad
a bad
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 it can be
addrassed
Correct your spelling
addressed
 through educating people about the dangers.
Submitted by Aqxniet on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent grammatical accuracy and use of complex sentence structures to improve coherence. For example, consider rephrasing sentences and correcting minor errors (e.g., "rick" should be "risk," "spreaded" should be "spread").
task achievement
Expand on some points with more relevant and specific examples to further support your arguments. The current examples are helpful, but you can add more details to enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main issue and solution are addressed effectively, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystem
  • sustainable
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • emissions
  • deforestation
  • conservation
  • biodiversity
  • regulatory standards
  • composting
  • urban sprawl
  • green technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • waste management
  • pollutants
  • non-biodegradable
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