IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals
belive
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believe
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 that reading stories in books rather than watching television or playing games is far more beneficial for
children
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.
While
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 others argue that there should be a balance of
both
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 and free time for
children
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 should solely be for entertainment purposes of their choices provided that it is suitable for their age. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
both
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 perspectives and argue that
while
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 educational resources found in books are very rewarding, particularly
in
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for
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children
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 and teenagers, other entertainment options are crucial, leading to improved social skills and new relationships. On one hand, reading has a wide range of benefits in all sectors of life. It offers valuable information and facts to everyone depending on the genre, but even novels provide important skills to
both
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children
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 and teenagers.
For instance
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,
children
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 who read novels and stories consistently tend to be a lot more social and interactive,
possibley
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possibly
 leading to better academic grades and stronger friendships.
Additionally
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, some are interested in educational books to
further
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 develop their skills in science subjects at school, which helps contribute to better futuristic goals and
overall
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 levels of intelligence.
On the other hand
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, many
children
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 are strangled to their devices all day, resulting in sedentary lifestyles and poor communication with others.
Although
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 it can be seen as a reward after studying, finishing
homeowork
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homework
, and completing household chores,
restriction
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the restriction
a restriction
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 is necessary because excessive use of video games and television shows is
highely
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highly
 likely to cause serious mental health issues.
Furthermore
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, there are new educational platforms released, helping
children
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 study consistently without boredom and distractions.
Therefore
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, it is important that a balance of
both
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 is vital to achieve positive effects with limited consequences. In conclusion, technology and electronics have started affecting everyone enormously,
particulary
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particularly
children
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, possibly leading to severe
repurcussions
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repercussions
,
such
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 as
lack
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a lack
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 of interaction and academic performance.
However
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, most of these can be significantly combated by setting specific time windows on these devices and the usage
on
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of
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 newly developed technologies that combine education
along with
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 having fun.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is good. However, make sure to clearly state your own stance in the introduction and conclusion to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor spelling and grammatical errors. Proofreading before submission can help catch these errors.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next by using linking words or phrases. This can improve the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and provide more specific instances to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your arguments effectively.
complete response
You have done well in presenting a balanced view, discussing both perspectives comprehensively.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is fairly strong, with distinct paragraphs addressing different points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • imagination stimulation
  • linguistic skills
  • audiovisual stimuli
  • interactive learning
  • digital literacy
  • solitary engagement
  • narrative comprehension
  • educational content
  • screen time
  • attention span
  • multimedia experiences
  • well-rounded development
  • motor skills
  • traditional versus modern
  • balanced approach
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