In some countries around the world men and women tend to have their children later in life. Why this happened?What are the effects on society and family life?
There is a trend that
the
young couples prefer to have Correct article usage
apply
children
later than former generations in some countries around the world. There is a trend in some countries where young couples prefer to have children
later in life
compared to previous generations。 This
phenomenon is actually inevitable in the context of the changes in modern society, and society could also
be affected back by the trend of giving birth late in life
.
The rising cost of living and the longer education processes could be the counterpart factors that contribute to the phenomenon. Unlike the living costs in the past, the prices of properties and vehicles have skyrocketed to another level, which is hard to afford by
young couples even if they have spent a large proportion of their Change preposition
for
life
in
working. What’s more, those material conditions are considered necessary for families to treat Change preposition
apply
children
well. These reality financial difficulties make young men and women to
lose their confidence in being parents in the early stage Change the verb form
apply
in
their Change preposition
of
life
, therefore
they would consider having children
later after financial or career success. Another possible reason is the extended education processes caused by modern society
competition. Younger generations are forced to get higher degrees in response to the rising Replace the word
societal
hire
standards of companies, and the most significant result of Replace the word
hiring
this
context is the average age of graduating is getting older. As a result
, the ages of having babies are rightly pushed over because young people have to focus on their own lives first after finishing their education.
Consequently
, some effects emerge due to
the phenomenon.
The most obvious one would be the ageing problem caused by later maternity which can decrease the labor force in a particular period.
To be more specific, long-term speaking, the social welfare system would be affected due to
the sliding of Correct article usage
the labor
labor
population in future, because the numbers of taxes Change the spelling
labour
payer
and the retired population would be unbalanced.
Fix the agreement mistake
payers
However
, although
the later maternity has some disadvantages, it also
has a beneficial side of
families. Those older parents can better educate their Change preposition
for
children
with more social experience what
can Correct pronoun usage
which
also
make more money, sustaining children
with better material condition
. An equally important benefit is that the Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
life
stage of striving for a career is over, and the relative stability of the job gives parents more time and energy to spend with their children
.Submitted by zengchen0522 on
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coherence cohesion
In the introduction, try to avoid redundant sentences. The first two sentences in your introduction are repetitive. Consider combining them for a stronger, more concise opening.
coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs. Transitional phrases or sentences could improve the connection between your points.
task achievement
Ensure to fully address both questions stated in the prompt. While the effects on society were adequately covered, elaborating more on the effects on family life could add depth.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for minor grammar and phrasing issues. For example, the phrase 'These reality financial difficulties' could be revised to 'These real financial difficulties.'
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons for the trend and its effects on society.
task achievement
The main points are well supported with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and organization, with separated paragraphs for each main idea.
task achievement
You made a good effort to balance the arguments, discussing both the positive and negative effects of having children later in life.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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