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Band 5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#students #university #study #country #opportunity #development
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Some
people
 believe that they have more opportunities to
study
 abroad than
students
 nowadays
while
 others tend to disagree and think that in the past, when
students
 did a
university
 degree in their country.
This
 topic should be examined carefully before forming an opinion. In
this
 essay, the two viewpoints will be argued. On one hand, many humans think that for several reasons. The initial one to consider is that studying abroad is essential for the physical.
For example
, for body, if we
study
 in
a different cities
Correct the article-noun agreement
different cities
a different city
show examples
, we will learn new cultures and languages.
Moreover
, studying abroad for
students
 is better for psychological life. Take
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, mood when we
study
 at a
university
 in another country, we feel over the moon and comfortable.
In addition
, there was a high
university
 to
study
 and
also
 get an amazing experience.
Furthermore
, there was a social relation to
studyingstudy
Correct your spelling
studying study
study in study
 abroad. The best example
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is when we
study
 abroad, we can create new friends.
On the other hand
, others argue that in the past, when
students
 earned a
university
 degree for many factors.
First,
there was a fall in education. To elaborate on
this
 point, if we
study
 in your city, we can not get different periods.
Also
, the number of cases in the past was less than the number of figures nowadays.
Furthermore
, by learning at the best
university
, we can not get a lot of financial. In conclusion,
people
 should
study
 abroad it is critical and improves the city. From my own personal point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 a lot of
people
 need more information about the universities in another country. It is better to exchange our experience about
this
 issue. If
students
 learned abroad, we would be famous.
People
 should try all things in life.
Submitted by shaikhaalrashidi24 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on presenting a clearer structure in your essay. Consider using paragraphs effectively to separate different points and make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is well supported with specific examples and explanations. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid repeating the same ideas or phrases to achieve better clarity and more comprehensive responses.
coherence cohesion
Try to proofread your work to avoid small grammatical and lexical errors, as these can affect the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have included perspectives from both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion reflects a personal opinion and ties back to the topic, summarizing your overall viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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