In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweighthe disadvantages?
Nowadays, many countries face an imbalance of the age ratio of their
population
, especially when the number
of elderly has outnumbered the young age. This
situation trigger
a debate whether Change the verb form
triggers
this
issue will give more benefits to society or create further
problems for the governments. Nonetheless
, I would argue that there will be more drawbacks of
Change preposition
to
this
situation for some reasons that set
out below.
Add a missing verb
are set
Firstly
, ageing
Add an article
an ageing
population
means less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
want to have babies, meanwhile
it is important for a country to keep their Add a comma
meanwhile,
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
population
does not
Verb problem
from
decrease
. Wrong verb form
decreasing
Therefore
, the government
urgently needs to encourage their citizen
to get married and have kids. Fix the agreement mistake
its citizens
For instance
, Korea’s government
handles this
issue seriously by giving incentives to their citizen every time they get a baby. Secondly
, elderly people
are not in their productive age which means that there are not enough young people
to be workers. By this
, I mean the government
needed to find solution
to keep their Add an article
a solution
the solution
number
of workers enough to continue their industries and keep their economy stable. For example
, it is predicted that China’s economy will experience downfall
because there will be not enough Correct article usage
a downfall
worker
in the future Fix the agreement mistake
workers
due to
their citizen was
limited to Replace the word
being
have
only 1 kid for one family.
Wrong verb form
having
However
, having more elderly people
can be an advantage for young people
have
easier access to Fix the infinitive
to have
get
wisdom. They can easily Verb problem
apply
to
consult about their problems to their parents and grandparents. But, accessibility to Fix the infinitive
apply
get
knowledge is not an issue nowadays, considering there are many books they can read and Verb problem
apply
internet
to find any lesson they want to learn. To illustrate, in Correct article usage
the internet
Add an article
the western
a western
western
Capitalize word
Western
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
country
many teenagers get their good mindsets from reading books and Add a comma
country,
find
lectures Wrong verb form
finding
in
the internet.
In conclusion, the disadvantages that Change preposition
on
government
needs to address from Correct article usage
the government
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
population
such
as decreasing
Correct article usage
the decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
number
of population
and lesser
Correct article usage
the lesser
number
of productive citizens outweigh the benefit that young people
have more access to wisdom which is also
invalid.Submitted by kelly on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs and clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your ideas in more depth to demonstrate a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the issue of an ageing population and provides relevant points for discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!