In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweighthe disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many countries face an imbalance of the age ratio of their
population
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, especially when the
number
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of elderly has outnumbered the young age.
This
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situation
trigger
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triggers
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a debate whether
this
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issue will give more benefits to society or create
further
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problems for the governments.
Nonetheless
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, I would argue that there will be more drawbacks
of
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to
show examples
this
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situation for some reasons that
set
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are set
show examples
out below.
Firstly
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,
ageing
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an ageing
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population
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means
less
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fewer
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people
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want to have babies,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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it is important for a country to keep their
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
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does not
Verb problem
from
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decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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urgently needs to encourage
their citizen
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its citizens
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to get married and have kids.
For instance
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, Korea’s
government
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handles
this
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issue seriously by giving incentives to their citizen every time they get a baby.
Secondly
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, elderly
people
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are not in their productive age which means that there are not enough young
people
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to be workers. By
this
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, I mean the
government
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needed to find
solution
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a solution
the solution
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to keep their
number
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of workers enough to continue their industries and keep their economy stable.
For example
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, it is predicted that China’s economy will experience
downfall
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a downfall
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because there will be not enough
worker
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workers
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in the future
due to
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their citizen
was
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being
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limited to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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only 1 kid for one family.
However
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, having more elderly
people
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can be an advantage for young
people
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have
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to have
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easier access to
get
Verb problem
apply
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wisdom. They can easily
to
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apply
show examples
consult about their problems to their parents and grandparents. But, accessibility to
get
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apply
show examples
knowledge is not an issue nowadays, considering there are many books they can read and
internet
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the internet
show examples
to find any lesson they want to learn. To illustrate, in
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the western
a western
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western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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country
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country,
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many teenagers get their good mindsets from reading books and
find
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finding
show examples
lectures
in
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on
show examples
the internet. In conclusion, the disadvantages that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
needs to address from
ageing
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the ageing
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population
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such
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as
decreasing
Correct article usage
the decreasing
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of
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apply
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number
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of
population
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and
lesser
Correct article usage
the lesser
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number
Use synonyms
of productive citizens outweigh the benefit that young
people
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have more access to wisdom which is
also
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invalid.
Submitted by kelly on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs and clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your ideas in more depth to demonstrate a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the issue of an ageing population and provides relevant points for discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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