IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasizes that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative develop

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While
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 it is widely claimed that numerous businesses lately
emphasizes
Change the verb form
emphasize
show examples
 their products as the primitive trend-setter in some ways in their advertisement quite often, others argue that
this
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 is a part of marketing strategy
as
Correct word choice
apply
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to gain customers' attention. Both reasons and personal
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 toward
this
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 statement will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it may
seems
Change the verb form
seem
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 sensible for some to believe that a self-proclaiming founded in various ads could be part of a marketing
tactics
Fix the agreement mistake
tactic
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 to catch public
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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.
This
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 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
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 because customers generally will
considered
Change the verb form
consider
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 the benefits of a product into
an
Correct article usage
apply
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account
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 the newness and uniqueness. Take Gangnam
clinic
Capitalize word
Clinic
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,
for example
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; it
stated
Add a missing verb
was stated
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specificly
Correct your spelling
specifically
 in their commercial as the first company
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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brough
Correct your spelling
brought
this
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 hair-removal machine with
an
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced technology which highly proficient in hair-removal. Numerous users reported that
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this
Change the determiner
these
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 claims are keys that attract them to
this
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 aesthetic clinic.
However
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, I personally argue in favour of its negative sides seeing that it can be somewhat over-exaggerating and
producing
Wrong verb form
produce
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 a misleading-facts.
To simply
Change preposition
Simply
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 explain,
those business
Change the determiner
that business
those businesses
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 might made up a false claim in order to boost
up
Change preposition
apply
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their sale.
For instance
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, there
is
Verb problem
apply
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a supppliments for
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
 weight that
claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
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 to be the newest technologies in which no extra effort is required like exercise or eating
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 diet but to take
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this tablets
Change the determiner
this tablet
these tablets
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 daily.
This
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claiming
Wrong verb form
claims
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 new inventions could pose a serious to one's health and
cultivating
Wrong verb form
cultivate
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 bad habits that
inducing
Wrong verb form
induce
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 serious illness later on. In summary,
although
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 it is undeniable that the newness claimed by the business on advertising can be beneficial in the rise of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sales
as a result
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 of competitive marketing
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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, I am of the
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 that
in
Change preposition
apply
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its detrimental effects especially spreading false facts should be concerned and controlled by the officials in order to prevent futures incidents
due to
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 these claims.

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introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction could be more concise and precise. Try to avoid overly complex sentence structures in your opening statement.
clear comprehensive ideas
To improve clarity, focus on using simpler sentence structures. The body paragraphs provide relevant examples, but strive to maintain clear and direct language to avoid confusion and ensure your main points are easily understood.
advice
Watch out for frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies, particularly in verb tenses and word choices. These can distract the reader and detract from the overall quality of your writing. Proofreading or working on grammar exercises could help enhance this aspect.
advice
In your conclusion, you summarize well, but you could reinforce your main points more clearly. Summarizing each main point briefly ensures the reader is reminded of your key arguments before your final statement.
complete response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt. You provide reasons and examples that are relevant to the topic of business advertising strategies, which helps demonstrate a thorough understanding of the subject.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes logical arguments and appropriate examples. For instance, the example of Gangnam clinic is well-chosen and illustrates your point effectively, contributing to the strength of your argumentation.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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