Today children are spending much more time watching TV compared to the past. Why do you think this happens? Is this a positive or a negative change?
Nowadays, more and more parents are allowing their children to spend too much time in front of Television. I see
this
Linking Words
as a result
of adults' lack of awareness Linking Words
to
the negative impact of too much Change preposition
of
screen-time
Correct your spelling
screen time
for
young Change preposition
on
kids
including their health and social development. Use synonyms
Therefore
, the increasing number of Linking Words
under-age
people watching Correct your spelling
underage
TV
has been a down-grade progress in our society.
Ideally, parents, teachers, and other responsible adults should know the importance of suitable stimulus for Use synonyms
kids
. Unfortunately, many Use synonyms
failed
to understand that there are some Wrong verb form
fail
medias
-in Correct your spelling
media
this
case television- that bring more harm than benefits to Linking Words
kids
especially if it is being given too much. Even worse if no adult is around to guide them Use synonyms
while
watching. We never know if the show presented is appropriate to their age.
As a matter of fact, numerous Linking Words
study
has found that the Fix the agreement mistake
studies
habbit
of Correct your spelling
habit
regulary
watching Correct your spelling
regularly
TV
for children aged under 13 has caused health problems Use synonyms
such
as low vision and Linking Words
Correct article usage
a sedantary
sedantary
lifestyle. Correct your spelling
sedentary
Furthermore
, Linking Words
this
harmful Linking Words
habbit
has Correct your spelling
habit
also
Linking Words
influanced
how Correct your spelling
influenced
kids
Use synonyms
interract
with their friends. It is known that Correct your spelling
interact
kids
who watch Use synonyms
TV
more than the maximum Use synonyms
screen-time
recommended by experts are facing social Correct your spelling
screen time
problem
Change the noun form
problems
such
as insecurity and trouble approaching their friends.
Linking Words
To conclude
, the uprising case of little Linking Words
kids
spending unlimited time in front of Use synonyms
Use synonyms
TV
is caused by parents' little knowledge Add an article
the TV
on
the importance of children's screen-time limitation. Personally, I strongly believe that Change preposition
of
this
Linking Words
behavioral
change Change the spelling
behavioural
on
Change preposition
in
kids
brings more harm than good. Use synonyms
For instance
, it has caused Linking Words
chidlren's
health and social problems. Correct your spelling
children's
Therefore
, adults should be more thoughtful of their Linking Words
kids
' Use synonyms
watch-time
and find Correct your spelling
watch time
alternatives
media that are more beneficial to young Change the noun form
alternative
kids
e.g. drawing books, Use synonyms
encyclopedia
, interactive board games, etc.Fix the agreement mistake
encyclopedias
Submitted by lidyaprmata on
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task achievement
To improve task response, you should provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will illustrate your points more vividly and give the reader a concrete understanding of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a good logical structure and flow. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the transitions between paragraphs are seamless. Using more transitional phrases can enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
Try to reduce minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to make your ideas clearer and more precise. This will help in communicating your message more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a complete response to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported well with appropriate reasons and explanations, leading to a coherent and understandable essay.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed both parts of the question, discussing the reasons why children watch more TV and providing your opinion on whether this is positive or negative.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view with a clear stance, which is well-argued and supported.