Some people think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Other think adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The happiness
Correct article usage
Happiness
play
a crucial role in Change the verb form
plays
people
Change noun form
people's
lives
. However
, some people
say that the happiest life
is the teenager
Replace the word
teenage
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
while
others believe that adult
life
is of
the Change preposition
apply
utmost
happiest Correct word choice
apply
life
even has more responsibilities
. This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.
On the one hand, teenge
Correct your spelling
teenage
life
is the most
happiest period in Change the adjective
apply
human's
Change noun form
human
lives
because teengers
do not have any Correct your spelling
teenagers
responsibilities
and
Correct word choice
or
commitment
Fix the agreement mistake
commitments
excepet
studies. Correct your spelling
except
This
is, during this
time
they are minors, so everything can get easily
without facing any difficulties, Change the word
easy
which
they just enjoy their Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
with Correct pronoun usage
their parents
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
money
, expensive dresses, phones and so on. For example
, many wetern
nation's minors spend a lot of Correct your spelling
western
money
in
their birthday Change preposition
on
due to
they do not have any resposibilities
and just spend all of Correct your spelling
responsibilities
theri
Correct your spelling
their
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
money
. That's why Correct article usage
the teenager
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
periods
is the Fix the agreement mistake
period
most
happiest Change the adjective
apply
time
on
Change preposition
in
people
's lives
.
On the other hand
, adult
period is a vital part of human Add an article
the adult
lives
even iftehy
have more Correct your spelling
if they
responsibilities
on the grounds Correct word choice
that adult
adult
are Fix the agreement mistake
adults
being
Verb problem
apply
moe
Correct your spelling
more
matured
and Wrong verb form
mature
they
know everything what do to and how to Correct pronoun usage
apply
do
. Correct pronoun usage
do it
This
means, they do not depend on their parents
for
Change preposition
apply
financially
and they can Replace the word
finances
take
any decision for their's Correct your spelling
make
sakes
. Fix the agreement mistake
sake
For instance
, Indian adults are always be
happy because Change the verb form
are always
of
they earn Change preposition
apply
money
along with
taking care of their family mamber's
expenses when Correct your spelling
member's
thery
Correct your spelling
they
there
are turning
eighteen meanwhile they can obtain enormous amounts of happiness and satisfaction too. Wrong verb form
turn
Hence
, being a responsible person and financially help to
their family Wrong verb form
helping
that
can bring more Correct pronoun usage
apply
pleasures
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
although
, teenager time
does not have any rsponsibilities
and they Correct your spelling
responsibilities
just
being Add a missing verb
are just
chill
Wrong verb form
chilled
from
their Change preposition
by
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
money
and pampering, adult
can get more Fix the agreement mistake
adults
pleasures
from Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
independent
and Correct article usage
the independent
finacial
support of Correct your spelling
financial
thier
family members. Correct your spelling
their
Therefore
, in my opinion, about
Change preposition
apply
Correct determiner usage
the
this
, Adult
period is the most
happiest Change the adjective
apply
time
in people
's lives
even they
have more Correct word choice
if they
responsibilities
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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Language
Work on improving grammar and sentence structure. There are multiple grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could distract the reader. Consider revising phrases like 'they can get everything easily' and 'adult are being more matured.'
Task Response
Ensure you stay relevant to the essay question throughout. While you provide examples, they sometimes appear slightly off-topic or not specific enough to fully support your point. Make sure your examples are directly related to the argument you are making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should clearly address one main idea or argument. There’s an overlap of concepts that could confuse readers. For example, financial independence and happiness are mixed into the same section without a clear transition.
Task Response
You presented both points of view clearly, which is good for fulfilling the task response criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a good structure to your writing.
Task Response
You try to provide specific examples to support your points, which is a positive effort towards making your argument stronger.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.