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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviours. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behaviours #host #country #differences
People
 have different views about whether tourists should follow the culture of the country they visit.
Although
 the reasons why host places should welcome cultural diversity, I personally believe that visitors should follow. There are several reasons why the public might argue that countries should welcome other cultures. First of all, that way may help customers be easy and confident when communicating to the local
people
 and travelling to other countries, making the tourism of these nations become more well-known with
people
 over the world.
Moreover
, it can help the local
people
 learn the culture of different nations.
For example
, in some countries which have some obsolete rules,
this
 can help the local
people
 know about the rules which are more balanced for
people
 that help these regions improve better.
On the other hand
, there are some benefits of travellers following local customs and behaviours. For most
people
, travelling is a good opportunity to try new things
such
 as traditional cuisine, music and customs and those who just travel to view landscapes waste a perfect chance to learn something new.
For example
 ,
people
 who travel to Japan or Korea are very excited when they eat new food or wear their additional
costume
Fix the agreement mistake
costumes
show examples
. These experiments can help them improve their knowledge about the world around them. In conclusion,
while
 the host country should welcome cultural differences
Correct word choice
and brings
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brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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for
Change preposition
apply
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people
 a significant amount of advantages, following local customs and behaviours can bring
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists greater
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
new knowledge , experiments and great times for relaxing.
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task achievement
Try to elaborate and provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific example of a culture-related conflict or benefit.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Using linking words such as 'Therefore', 'Moreover', or 'As a result' can be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors and sentence structure issues. Revising and proofreading your essay will help reduce errors like misplaced articles or awkward phrasing.
introduction conclusion present
You presented a clear introduction that sets up the discussion well and provided a brief overview of both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely summarized the main points and provided a balanced view on the topic, reinforcing your opinion effectively.
logical structure
You've constructed paragraphs that each focus on a single idea, which helps in maintaining clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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