IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more people decide to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this trend? What can be done to encourage more people to eat healthier and exercise?

#people #food #exercise #trend
Nowadays,
people
 tend to choose nutritional food and
do
Verb problem
work
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 workout
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
Change the word
a
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 daily basis.
This
 phenomenon becoming a trend because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
people
now
Add a missing verb
are now
show examples
 aware of the importance of their health. The awareness of the
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
 healthier lifestyle
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 being boosted by social media influencers and being spread out around the world by the
using
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use
show examples
 of social media itself. Social media influencers show the importance of keeping
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 fit will extend
life
Correct pronoun usage
our life
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 span and
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 us from deadly
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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. They
also
 showed us the longer we live, the longer time we will spend with our family and descendants, and when we live without any dangerous
sick
Replace the word
sickness
show examples
, we live happier and not trouble others.
Thus
 what
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 many
people
 aware of their body exercise and their healthy meals.
However
, the tendency to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about live
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 healthily is a good trend that we must keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
up
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
This
 trend must be supported by some factors like the environment and government. The environment can support it by giving the options for buying nutritional food, opening friendly fitness
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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, and supporting
people
 who are clueless about healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 by
transfering
Correct your spelling
transferring
 knowledge to them.
Moreover
, the government can support it by giving accessible
open-place
Correct your spelling
open
show examples
 to do
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 or simply
for running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 and ensure safety for
people
 exercising outdoors. The government can
also
 make policies that reduce the unhealthy meals to
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 produced and spread massively, and and replace
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 by ensuring the supply and distribution of nutritious food
that is
 more plentiful and less difficult to find.
Submitted by syifanurul.maulani1 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to separate your points into clear paragraphs, including one for the introduction, body paragraphs for each main point, and a conclusion. This structure will enhance the clarity of your essay and make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your main points. Make sure your conclusion summarizes these points effectively and reiterates the importance of the discussed ideas.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. For instance, mention specific social media influencers who promote healthy living or provide statistics regarding health trends.
task achievement
Make sure each main idea is clearly and fully developed. For instance, explain more about how the government can ensure the supply of nutritious food or how exactly a healthy environment can be fostered.
task achievement
You have a strong understanding of the topic and address both parts of the essay prompt, discussing reasons for the trend and potential encouragements.
task achievement
Your use of language to express ideas is mostly clear, and you make some good points about societal influences and the role of government.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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