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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many elderly people are no longer after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 era, most of the old
people
Use synonyms
 are sent
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nursing
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 by their kids. They are not taken
care
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
familes
Correct your spelling
families
.
However
Linking Words
, there are many merits and demerits of
this
Linking Words
, which I will discuss
further
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
famlies
Correct your spelling
families
 cannot afford nurses at
home
Use synonyms
. because
care
Use synonyms
 homes
very
Add a missing verb
are very
show examples
expencive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 stay
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
 24 hours. Some
famlies
Change noun form
famly's
famlies'
show examples
fanicely
Correct your spelling
financial
 conditions are not good so all
Correct article usage
the member
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and every day face
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 tenstion
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 busy life, After fineshed the
work
Use synonyms
 back to
home
Use synonyms
 not properly
care
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
,
basically
Add a comma
basically,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am from
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
, in our culture elder
people
Use synonyms
 base
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 house and
familey
Correct your spelling
family
. Old
people
Use synonyms
 every time teach younger and good advice for future life.
This
Linking Words
 time all
people
Use synonyms
 think about money so that all
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and old
people
Use synonyms
 stay in the
home
Use synonyms
 and house safe before younger
people
Use synonyms
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 . older
people
Use synonyms
 not in the
home
Use synonyms
 ,our children are not
connect
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 with my culture. So old
people
Use synonyms
 are very
immporant
Correct your spelling
important
 for
home
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
, I think older
people
Use synonyms
 are
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 for our families.Every time give
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 advice younger and children. But older
people
Use synonyms
 are
in
Add a hyphen
in-home
show examples
home
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
, next turn my from my kids.

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical mistakes that can be easily corrected with practice.
cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a logical flow from one point to the next, using transition words and phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
task response
Expand on ideas with more relevant and specific examples to make the essay more comprehensive and convincing.
task response
The essay provides a basic response to the task with an introduction and conclusion.
relevant examples
The writer touches on cultural differences and personal experiences, which enrich the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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