Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.
Some believe that parents should stimulate their
children
to engage in various group
activities
in their free times
, Fix the agreement mistake
time
while
others argue they should devise ways to enjoy their own company. In my opinion, both aforementioned statements are equally important for juveniles' development and should be balanced in children
's lives.
Firstly
, attending in
Change preposition
apply
group
activities
has several benefits for children
that cannot be denied. Those activites
will help Correct your spelling
activities
children
discuss problems with other group
members and converse with them. This
will impact on juvenile's communication skills positively and help them boost their confidence level. In additon
, taking part in Correct your spelling
addition
group
works
will offer them an opportunity to make new friends and enlarge their social circles. By completing tasks with other groupmates, Fix the agreement mistake
work
children
will learn taking
Change the verb form
to take
Correct article usage
the initiatives
initiatives
to approach other members and find common solutions to the given problems. They will understand the importance of Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
cooperations
and friendships when they are a part Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
those
groups.
Change preposition
of those
On the other hand
, some argue that spending time alone will encourage juveniles to invent games to keep themselves entertained and enjoy their spare times
alone. Fix the agreement mistake
time
This
is equally vital as being a part of group
activities
since it will motivate them to accept themselves as they are and decrease their dependence from
other people to have fun. By doing that, they will realize the significance of spending quality time on their own and foster good relationships with themselves. Change preposition
on
For example
, in
these days there is a common practice in schools to teach Change preposition
apply
children
importance
of self-love and acceptance by giving them independence and respecting their opinions or choices.
Add an article
the importance
To conclude
, I support both arguements
by admitting the fact that engaging Correct your spelling
arguments
children
in group
activities
and teaching them to appreciate their alone times
is equally crucial and should be balanced by parents throughout their childhoods to expedite their intellectual and social growth.Fix the agreement mistake
time
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion, which is good. However, providing more specific examples to support your points would strengthen your argument further. For instance, you could mention specific group activities or solitary activities that children might engage in.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is mostly logically structured, the transition between some paragraphs could be smoother. For example, you can use more linking words and phrases such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'however' to enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which is great. Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points discussed and restates your opinion effectively. Currently, your conclusion is concise but could reinforce the points made in the body paragraphs slightly more.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, balancing the arguments for organized group activities and the importance of solitary time for children effectively. This demonstrates a thoughtful understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, especially regarding the benefits of group activities on communication skills and social circles, as well as the value of learning to enjoy one's own company.
general
Your writing displays a good command of English and uses a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which enhances readability and engagement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.