Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
While
it is widely claimed that numerous manufactured food and drink products
contain high levels of sugar
which leading
to several health problems, others argue that those sugary Change the form of the verb
leads
products
should be made more expensive aiming to encourage people to take less sugar
. The reason why I disagree with the statement will be elaborated on in this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seems
sensible for some to believe that the increased price of Change the verb form
seem
a added-
Correct the article-noun agreement
added-sugar products
an added-sugar product
sugar
products
can be helpful
Correct article usage
a helpful
methods
for preventing Fix the agreement mistake
method
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
to overconsume
Change preposition
from overconsuming
sugar
. This
is possibly because the pricier the goods it is, the fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
interests
it is. Take water, Replace the word
interested
for example
; in some Correct your spelling
countries
coountries
water is free Add a comma
coountries,
while
sugar
drinks will be charged in extras which making
them Wrong verb form
makes
to
buy it less.
Change the verb form
apply
However
, I personally argue in favour of opposing
Verb problem
apply
this
idea seeing that by
charging Change preposition
apply
extras
money for sugary Change the noun form
extra
products
is not an effective solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
solution
along with
lack
of awareness Correct article usage
a lack
in
diet. To simply explain, I believe that Change preposition
of
peoples
will do anything to Fix the agreement mistake
people
satisfied
their needs, Change the form of the verb
satisfy
so
Correct word choice
and so
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
the
sugary Correct article usage
apply
products
as it
can be addictive. In Correct pronoun usage
they
this
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
respects
there is Add a comma
respects,
an
Correct article usage
apply
evident
showing that similar prior schemes for cigarettes failed to doReplace the word
evidence
.
Rephrase
so.
Moreover
, it does not raise any awareness of how high sugar
levels could pose a serious threat in
their health, which is the key Change preposition
to
of
preventing obesity and other Change preposition
to
comodity
related Correct your spelling
commodity
with
Change preposition
to
poor
diet which diabetes is common.
In summary, Add an article
a poor
the poor
although
it is undeniable that charing
extra rates of sugary Correct your spelling
charging
products
could possibly be a
beneficial, I am of the opinion that its detrimental effects and not effective enough to raise Correct article usage
apply
the
awareness about the proper diet in order to prevent future chronic health problems like diabetes.Correct article usage
apply
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clear comprehensive ideas
Work on clarifying your main points. For example, 'Take water, for example' should have an adequately clear link to the main argument. Using clear and straightforward language can help effectively communicate your points.
logical structure
Grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes distract from your ideas. For example, 'numerous manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which leading to several health problems' should be corrected to 'numerous manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, leading to several health problems.' Revising these errors will improve readability and coherence.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific and relevant examples that directly support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and your arguments stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Signposting words and phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. Terms like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' can make the structure clearer.
introduction conclusion present
You have an introduction and a conclusion, adding clear boundaries to your essay.
supported main points
Attempting to provide an alternative perspective is appreciated. You have shared a balanced view, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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