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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events.

The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events.
#results #-year #study #adults #uk #arts #events
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The table gives information about the results of a 20-year study in the UK going to the art events .
Overall
Linking Words
, it could be noticed the
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 want to see specific
perfomer
Correct your spelling
performer
/artist was the biggest number
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the 30
years
Use synonyms
 period.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 were that involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 accompanying children and work/business
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in increasing trend,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 going into special
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
/
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
droped dramtically
Correct your spelling
dropped dramatically
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period .
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
years
Use synonyms
 ago, the
adult
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who attend
show examples
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 to see
spicific
Correct your spelling
specific
perfomer
Correct your spelling
performer
/
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 was 58%, after 10
years
Use synonyms
 the percentages
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
3% and today the
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is 56% less
2
Change preposition
than 2
show examples
%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
years
Use synonyms
 ago.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
attend to
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
 special
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
/
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
 was the most second popular event
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
years
Use synonyms
 ago at 27% and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
years
Use synonyms
 ago, by today it
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lest
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
 popular event for
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 at percentages at 9%. The rates of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 accompanying children and work/business were at 9% and 6%
respctively
Correct your spelling
respectively
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
years
Use synonyms
 ago, after 10
years
Use synonyms
 the percentages increased slightly and
recah
Correct your spelling
reach
reached
 15% and 10%, by today the rates of
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 going into accompanying children was increased 9%,
while
Linking Words
 work/business was 1%.
Submitted by ijaly4 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adult, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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