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Writing Samples
Band 5

What problems does cybercrime cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?

#cybercrime #people #business
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one of the most serious issues facing the community is cybercrime. the main reason is people do not pay attention to
this
 a lot seriously. there are many reasons why people are vulnerable to cyber-attacks. hackers often attempt to leak society's computers or someone's phones to steal money or personal information
additionally
, some hackers send specific links to telephones from social media or numbers when you enter these kinds of links they can leak your phone and include viruses to your phone or computer. one of the main reasons is we do not approach these situations carefully and the second reason is some people do not want to help from others when they exposure to cybercrime. I can suggest several solutions and ways to combat cybercrime. One solution is downloading antivirus applications to telephones or computers to get rid of viruses but it is essential to consider what kind of applications you download because some antiviruses consist of viruses within them. Most bank companies are attacked by hackers and sometimes their cyber security can not solve the problem
therefore
, it is important to keep powerful cyber security in companies if they can not afford the problem.
Submitted by raufpasayev83 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents relevant points and indicates understanding of the topic. However, enhancing the structure with a clear introduction and conclusion is essential for better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce paragraphs for each main point: one for the problems and another for the solutions. This structure will help organize your thoughts and make it easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Try to expand on examples. For instance, for cyber attacks on individuals, you can include examples of common cyber threats like phishing, ransomware, etc. For businesses, detailing real or hypothetical cases will strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your essay identifies key issues and approaches to resolving them, demonstrating a clear understanding of both aspects of the topic.
task achievement
You successfully pointed out several causes and solutions related to cybercrime, showing a well-rounded approach to the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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