Working hours today are too long and people are not spending as much as time as they should with their families or on lesisure activites. What is your opion ?

Without a doubt, nowadays, people are so busy with their responsibilities and
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
However
, I believe it is important to spend their time with their families or engage in leisure activities. If people who work as employees from 6 am to 8 pm in their office get suck at desks, they will get both mental and physical problems.
In other words
, long-term activities result in fatigue and stress. Allocating their time with their different activities helps them to rejuvenate their minds and bodies.
For example
, when I worked at Aria company which was related to an electronics company, I had not participated in any past actions with my family for 2 years, but because of persistent headaches, the doctor advised me that I had to spend more time on leisure active as it would help me to relax my mind, so I decided to play games which help me to refresh my mind Family play a key role in our lives, and we can trust and rely on them whenever we need help, but it is important to be engaged with them anytime we have.
Although
we are busy with our jobs, we should not ignore them since when we are in an emergency they help us as much as they can;
however
, if we are not in contact with them, it will be hard for us to ask them to help
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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introduction conclusion
Work on crafting a clearer conclusion to sum up your main points and provide closure to the essay.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences are directly related to it. This will help in enhancing your logical structure.
logical structure
Include a variety of sentence structures and linking words to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
complete response
Your essay addresses the prompt well and you provide relevant examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive with useful personal experiences to support your argument.
relevant specific examples
You clearly understand the importance of balancing work, family, and leisure activities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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