IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment ,not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #reason #mall #entertainment #shop
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Nowadays,
malls
Use synonyms
are offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 a variety range of
facilities
Use synonyms
 and can be a suitable place to hang out with friends or
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
family day out .
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can be entertained
alongeside
Correct your spelling
alongside
 shopping. So, the act of shopping can not be forgotten when going to a chain store. I generally agree with the statement and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my reasons and give my opinion. We can find so many entertaining
facilities
Use synonyms
 at shopping centres for any age. As a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 that, families tend to go there in their free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 to be entertained and have some fun.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they may do some shopping as well, but what brought them there was to spend some quality time as a family in an outdoor place. I am a shopkeeper and I see families
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 who bring their kids with them to take them to the playground on the
last
Linking Words
 floor.And, they mostly do not carry a shopping bag with them.
In addition
Linking Words
, young generations enjoy going to shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 time with their friends there.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can go to a cinema and
then
Linking Words
 to an amusement park ,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 have a meal all in the same place.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those amusement
facilities
Use synonyms
 are there to attract
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 to come to
malls
Use synonyms
 in order to spend money on buying items. What is more, if society
stop
Change the verb form
stops
show examples
 shopping
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
malls
Use synonyms
, where else they can find a variety of items to
purchaise
Correct your spelling
purchase
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
In addition
Linking Words
, so many
people
Use synonyms
 may get unemployed and leave their stores at
malls
Use synonyms
. Mall owners,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, can not
efford
Correct your spelling
afford
 to keep all the
facilities
Use synonyms
 financially if tenants leave the chain. So,
malls
Use synonyms
 need
people
Use synonyms
 to shop in order to survive .
To sum up
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy and have fun at the
malls
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 a variety of entertaining stuff . But, those
facilities
Use synonyms
 would not be there if not for the shopping . So,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 should consider that.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does a good job addressing the task but could benefit from a clearer and more organized structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to provide more background and context for the topic. A stronger introduction can help set the stage for your argument.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, make sure to support them consistently throughout your essay. More detailed examples and elaboration would strengthen your arguments.
general
Check for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to enhance readability. For instance, 'The act of shopping can not be forgotten' could be rephrased to 'Shopping will always be an integral part of visiting malls.'
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples to support its arguments, such as mentioning families visiting playgrounds and young people enjoying cinemas and amusement parks.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the topic and provide a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs have a clear purpose and generally convey your ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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