in the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment ,not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
malls
are offering
a variety range of Wrong verb form
offer
facilities
and can be a suitable place to hang out with friends or a
family day out .Add a missing verb
have a
Therefore
, people
can be entertained alongeside
shopping.
So, the act of shopping can not be forgotten when going to a chain store. I generally agree with the statement and in Correct your spelling
alongside
this
essay, I will explain my reasons and give my opinion.
We can find so many entertaining facilities
at shopping centres for any age. As a reason of
that, families tend to go there in their free Change preposition
for
times
to be entertained and have some fun. Fix the agreement mistake
time
Additionally
, they may do some shopping as well, but what brought them there was to spend some quality time as a family in an outdoor place. I am a shopkeeper and I see families everyday
who bring their kids with them to take them to the playground on the Replace the word
every day
last
floor.And, they mostly do not carry a shopping bag with them. In addition
, young generations enjoy going to shopping malls
and spend
time with their friends there. Wrong verb form
spending
For instance
, they can go to a cinema and then
to an amusement park ,also
have a meal all in the same place.
Correct word choice
and also
On the other hand
, those amusement facilities
are there to attract costumers
to come to Correct your spelling
customers
malls
in order to spend money on buying items. What is more, if society stop
shopping Change the verb form
stops
from
Change preposition
in
malls
, where else they can find a variety of items to purchaise
Correct your spelling
purchase
.
Change the punctuation
?
In addition
, so many people
may get unemployed and leave their stores at malls
. Mall owners, on the other hand
, can not efford
to keep all the Correct your spelling
afford
facilities
financially if tenants leave the chain. So, malls
need people
to shop in order to survive .
To sum up
, people
can enjoy and have fun at the malls
according to
a variety of entertaining stuff . But, those facilities
would not be there if not for the shopping . So, population
should consider that.Add an article
the population
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does a good job addressing the task but could benefit from a clearer and more organized structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to provide more background and context for the topic. A stronger introduction can help set the stage for your argument.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, make sure to support them consistently throughout your essay. More detailed examples and elaboration would strengthen your arguments.
general
Check for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety to enhance readability. For instance, 'The act of shopping can not be forgotten' could be rephrased to 'Shopping will always be an integral part of visiting malls.'
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples to support its arguments, such as mentioning families visiting playgrounds and young people enjoying cinemas and amusement parks.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the topic and provide a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs have a clear purpose and generally convey your ideas effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.