Some people think that violent films and video games have bad effects on people and should be banned. Others think that they are just relaxation sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion

2.5 / 9

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Introduction

Some

people

Use synonyms

argue that violent

films

Use synonyms

and video

games

Use synonyms

has given

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

negative effects on

people

Use synonyms

and should be banned.

While

Linking Words

the others think that they are just relaxation sources,

Change the capitalization

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that both

side

Change to a plural noun

sides

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

pluspoint

Correct your spelling

plus point

plus-point

and

minuspoint

Correct your spelling

minus point

. For me,

i'm

Change the capitalization

I'm

show examples

torward

Correct your spelling

toward

the relaxation sources side.

Body paragraph 1

One

Correct your spelling

show examples

the one hand, violent

films

Use synonyms

and video

games

Use synonyms

does

Change the verb form

show examples

have negative

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

people

Use synonyms

specially

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

young children and minors when they accept all the violent content without

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

permission.

For example

Linking Words

, children can watch sensitive factors or play gore violent

games

Use synonyms

seen

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

parent

Correct subject-verb agreement

parents

show examples

not home or don't pay attention

for

Change preposition

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

children.

Body paragraph 2

One

Correct your spelling

show examples

the other hand, violent

films

Use synonyms

and

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

could be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

entertaiment

Correct your spelling

entertaining

and relaxing

for

Change preposition

show examples

reduce stress.

For example

Linking Words

, many

games

Use synonyms

films

Use synonyms

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

violent content only for entertainment and

usally

Correct your spelling

usually

they have

age

Add an article

an age

show examples

limit.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

althought

Correct your spelling

although

people

Use synonyms

think vioplent

films

Use synonyms

and

games

Use synonyms

should be banned, for me

Change preposition

as a

show examples

person have

lot

Change the article

a lot

show examples

of experience

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

violent

films

Use synonyms

and

games

Use synonyms

there

Add a missing verb

are a

show examples

number of viable solutions for

this

Linking Words

as example

Correct article usage

the goverment

show examples

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

could censor violent

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

away from

childrent

Correct your spelling

children

hand.

ieltsmeister.academic

Jul 8, 2024

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grammar

Improve grammar and sentence structure: Your essay contains several grammatical mistakes and awkward sentence structures that affect readability. Pay attention to verb forms and agreement, such as 'violent films and video games have' instead of 'has.'

development

Develop your ideas further: Provide more detailed examples and explanations for both views. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

balance

Expand on counterarguments: A more in-depth discussion of the opposing view will show that you understand both sides of the argument thoroughly.

structure

Clear structure: Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task

Attempt to address both views: You made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

182 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ban
limit
control
rule
law
age
rating
parent
child
kid
adult
choice
option
relax
fun
watch
play
film
movie
game
idea
reason
example
proof
effect
harm
fear
copy
imitate
learn
talk
education
media
story
art
freedom
health
wellbeing

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