IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that violent films and video games have bad effects on people and should be banned. Others think that they are just relaxation sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #films #video #games #effects #relaxation #sources
Some
people
 argue that violent
films
 and video
games
has given
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 negative effects on
people
 and should be banned.
While
 the others think that they are just relaxation sources,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
pluspoint
Correct your spelling
plus point
plus-point
 and
minuspoint
Correct your spelling
minus point
. For me,
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
torward
Correct your spelling
toward
 the relaxation sources side.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, violent
films
 and video
games
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 have negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
people
 specially
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
young children and minors when they accept all the violent content without
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 permission.
For example
, children can watch sensitive factors or play gore violent
games
 seen
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parent
Correct subject-verb agreement
parents
show examples
 not home or don't pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 children.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, violent
films
 and
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 could be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertaining
 and relaxing
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reduce stress.
For example
, many
games
 or
films
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violent content only for entertainment and
usally
Correct your spelling
usually
 they have
age
Add an article
an age
show examples
 limit. In conclusion,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
people
 think vioplent
films
 and
games
 should be banned, for me
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
person have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of experience
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 violent
films
 and
games
 there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
number of viable solutions for
this
 as example
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 could censor violent
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 away from
childrent
Correct your spelling
children
 hand.
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grammar
Improve grammar and sentence structure: Your essay contains several grammatical mistakes and awkward sentence structures that affect readability. Pay attention to verb forms and agreement, such as 'violent films and video games have' instead of 'has.'
development
Develop your ideas further: Provide more detailed examples and explanations for both views. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
balance
Expand on counterarguments: A more in-depth discussion of the opposing view will show that you understand both sides of the argument thoroughly.
structure
Clear structure: Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task
Attempt to address both views: You made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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